Volume 29 Issue 3
It’s Not a Phage, Mom
I’m not doing this because it’s a viral trend! It’s not infectious, my friends haven’t caught it, and no one is putting me up to this. …
UC Regents Offer to Pay Student Researchers in Dining Dollars
Leaked negotiations reveal that the UC Regents offered to raise graduate student stipends to $54,000 per year, but hid the fact that they would be paid …
Domino’s Announces New Delivery Service
Pizza Hut topples the competition
Congress Announces a Bipartisan Skincare Line
“Wearing this skincare product makes me feel 40 years younger. I might even start voting Democrat again,” testified Senator McConnell.Photo by Julia Wong House Speaker Nancy …
New Apple Variety Developed
Red vicious
Student Explodes After Discovering They’re An Extra on The Truman Show
“What? It was time to BeReal,” said Snot.Photo by Sharon Roth A large commotion that “wasn’t a fire alarm for once” was reported by Sixth College …
ITS Announces Hiring of Carrier Pigeons to Improve ResNet Speeds
“My carrier pigeon isn’t helping at all. It built a ResNest in my dorm!” exclaimed one student.Photo by James Woolley In response to growing complaints, UCSD’s …
