Volume 26
Area Child Reportedly “Just Turned Five”
“It won’t be long now until Jeffrey is fully grown,” said one family member.Photo by Jay Noonan Area child Jeffrey Chao has just turned five years old. …
Local Student Prophesizes “Total Apocalypse” if Regents Switch to Semester System
Kovalenko reportedly has lost “ample amounts of money” because he insists on paying cash but refuses to accept change.Photo by Sharon Roth In a public statement, …
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins
Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand Goop has recently revealed a new series of vitamin supplements. The collection is …
Animal Crossing: New Horizons to Include Gentrification
Isabelle also offers the option of forcing villagers to stop speaking their dialect of Animalese if the player deems it “unprofessional.”Photo by Dan Kaliblotzky Nintendo has …
Gamers Encouraged to Vote with “Primary Ballot Any-Percent” Speedruns
Counting issues were later reported due to people clipping through the wrong parts of the ballot.Photo by Jack Yang With voter turnout expected to be extremely high …
I Love You vs. ty
Point: I Love You Salutations my fair maiden, Prithee, come to me, will you? I shan’t take too much of your time with this proposition of …
We’ll Get There When We Get There
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? NO!!!
The Pole is the Worst Art Piece on Campus vs. ..-. ..- -.-. -.- / -.– — ..-
Point: The Pole is the Worst Art piece on Campus At the end of my senior year of high school, I found myself facing one of …
The Finals Metamorphosis
The Finals Metamorphosis
By Kaz Nuckowski
