Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

Goop Releases “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” Line of Vitamins

Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness brand Goop has recently revealed a new series of vitamin supplements. The collection is titled “Raiding Mom’s Medicine Cabinet” and is reportedly meant to “increase energy, manifest positivity, and connect spiritually with your mother’s intentions in life and death.” A single packet of “RMMC 1.0” is comprised of “seven color coded vitamin C tablets to be taken daily over a week in an order determined by your chromatic aura, a single Zoloft to be microdosed according to your lifestyle coach’s specifications, and good vibes.”

Goop announced plans to release various mother-themed products in the coming months leading up to Mother’s day. “Wellness is the most important thing to think of when it comes to Mother’s Day. You need to increase the role of pink foods in your diets and reduce masculine food intake or else your subconscious mind will never find peace with the energy of your mother.”

The cost of RMMC 1.0 begins at $95 for a one month supply.

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Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.

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