Point:
The Pole is the Worst Art piece on Campus
Student
At the end of my senior year of high school, I found myself facing one of the most important decisions of my life: which prestigious university will I accept the invitation to and attend come the following school year? While the decision was far from an easy one, I knew that my heart and my parents’ money had a home at UC San Diego. The academics are great, sure, but there was so much more that led me to this school. The most prevalent apects being the exciting social life, the excellent housing, and an administration that puts student success above everything and anything.
However, one aspect of this stunning university carries more weight and character than the rest combined. I am speaking, of course, about the Stuart Collection. I mean, you got to give it to them. These installations are exemplary works of modern art. A bear made of rocks? Incredible. A path that looks like a snake? Sssssexy. A tiny little-bitty leaning house? Oh baby, it feels like home, but not quite home! Magnificent! These are all amazing pieces of art, yet amongst them lies a pariah that sticks out like a 195-foot-tall sore thumb.
I am talking about the ugly, despicable, and utterly pretentious monstrosity titled “What Hath God Wrought.” Even writing its full name makes my skin crawl. Every time I walk past the brooding beast of a “sculpture,” I get sick. The sheer arrogance it exudes, acting all high and mighty as if I don’t already know that it’s 189 feet and three inches taller than me. Why should I pretend that Morse code is even relevant? Telegrams haven’t been cool since 1876, you gigantic archaic column of garbage. Beep beep beep. See? Anyone can do it. Who even paid for this anyway? The money could have been used for something more important like ripping apart another parking lot. It’s an embarrassment to art, and more importantly, to UCSD. I will die before I recognize it as a part of the Stuart Collection.
Counterpoint:
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Pole
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(Translated) “I am saddened to hear that you find my appearance unappealing, yet I find solace in remembering that art remains wholly subjective. If art is meant to inspire emotion, then your response serves as an example to my success. While I seek to remind the students of UC San Diego of the very first instant message sent by telegraph, I believe my purpose has evolved as much as technology has. In repeating the ponderous phrase “What Hath God Wrought,” I also hope to point to the meaning behind this message. A reflection on the great change that new technology may bring, this message may resonate as much today as it did in 1844.”
Translator’s Note: It is important to remember that in Polese, the context of certain words are different than their English translations. While Mr. Wrought’s words may be directly translated as, “DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME? HUH? I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL GROW ARMS SO THAT I CAN TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB YOU CREAM OF CORN SLIMEY SON OF A BITCH. I HAVE MORE PERSONALITY IN MY LIGHTBOX THAN YOU HAVE IN YOUR WHOLE BODY. I HOPE YOU NEVER FIND ANY SEMBLANCE OF LOVE OR PEACE IN YOUR WHOLE MISERABLE LIFE,” the meaning that Mr. Wrought intends to convey may be different than what English vernacular suggests.
Flattened in a distro cart accident, the MQ replaced his bones with leftover printer ink. With his increased lank, Matt has become a pivotal writer for the MQ through his fluidity. Whether demonstrated through his mastery of satire or being used as a keycard when we lock ourselves out of the office, Matt is a key asset to the writing team.
