Volume 22 Issue 7
Top Ten Ways You Can Rephrase your College Experience for Your Resume
Did extensive four-year study on the effect of an all-carb diet on health and mental wellness “According to my blood tests, I’m actually 73 percent a …
Top Ten Ways to Get Out of the Conversation “How’s School Going?”
Crumple a potato chip bag and say “Oh, we’re breaking up. I can’t hear you” “My law degree is going well, but first I’d like to …
Top Ten Lesser-Known Crimes that Will Still Get You 30 to Life
Downloading a car Lying on your music practice card “Marriage, am I right, sonny boy?” Public un-nudity in a nudist colony Leaving your freshman suite door …
UCSD Graduate Eager to Feel Overqualified In Retail
After four years, graduate Taylor Urke is excited to follow the logical conclusion of their decisions and enter the job market as an hourly retail worker. …
NFL Players to Undergo Pre-Draft Jiggle Test
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has proposed new protocols for drafting players. According to new regulations, NFL prospects will be tested on their skin’s ability to “jiggle …
Local Band Pretty Sure Minute 11 of The Solo Is When It Gets Really Good
Local band Flandering Ferret took the stage at Panderer’s Pub in Midtown at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, performing their instrumental single “Cherry Pickers.” The San Diego-based …
Woman Late to Give Mother’s Day Gift to Mother She Murdered
Area woman Shane Daniels realized yesterday that she had failed to purchase and give a thoughtful Mother’s Day gift to her mother, whose body she left …
Area Man Thinks Google Maps Has Got it All Wrong
San Diego public defender Richard Mallard, who was utterly convinced his Google Maps app gave him incorrect instructions, recently took a series of wrong turns that …
Man Successfully Blames Fart on Whoever Smelt it
Last Thursday, local James Fernow managed to do what was once deemed “impossible” by top scientists. After releasing a behemoth 12 second silent fart, Fernow successfully …
Police Brutality Talks Derailed by Fanatic Patriots
Police brutality activist Jasmine Porcin held a press conference Friday on the rise of police brutality reports filed towards the San Diego Police Department. Porcin discussed …
