Written by:

  1. Crumple a potato chip bag and say “Oh, we’re breaking up. I can’t hear you”
  2. “My law degree is going well, but first I’d like to define ‘how’ and ’school’ and ‘going’”
  3. Mime that you’re in a box
  4. “I plead the Fifth”
  5. Whisper “diarrhea” and shuffle quickly away
  6. “It’s not so bad once the raccoons accept you and stop using you as their bite pillow”
  7. Tell them that your lawyer has advised you not to comment
  8. “It’s going, so I better go catch it.” Then run away
  9. Go on and on about how amazing it is, but use the word “relatively” before every adjective
  10. “I don’t know, how’s your divorce going, Helen?”

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