Written by: Hannah Rosenblatt

San Diego public defender Richard Mallard, who was utterly convinced his Google Maps app gave him incorrect instructions, recently took a series of wrong turns that ultimately led to a speeding ticket and a serious build up of frustrations..

“My phone wanted me to turn down this one road that looked really windy, and then drive in the opposite direction of the gas station for like 10 minutes, and I just, I, I don’t know, it just didn’t seem right. I didn’t want to go that way.”

Mallard quickly decided to deviate from his iPhone’s directions after driving past a series of consecutive vans reading “Get divorced quick,” “Will buy cars fast,” “Sell your home and everything in it in less than a week,” and “last minute international travel tickets.”

He figured that the quickest course of action was to go towards the nearest freeway exit, because “that’s always where all of the gas stations are, right?”

After driving for several minutes based on nothing but his own sense of navigation and traversing what Mallard described as “a lot of turns. Like, too many to remember,” and driving on and off of an “exciting on-ramp,” Mallard still could not find a gas station, and decided to make his way back home instead.

At press time, Mallard had still not managed to fill his gas tank, and was heard screaming “WHYYY WHYY, MY CAR DOESNT LIKE THESE GEAR CHANGES,” as he accelerated onto a narrow feeder road towards an almost-visible gas station off in the distance.

Hannah Rosenblatt is an MQ alum. She was the 2017-18 Editor-in-Chief.

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