Volume 25
Yale Law School Replaces LSAT Requirement with Drinking Game Tournament
Yale University, the number one ranking law school in the United States, has instituted a dramatic change to its admissions policy. Rather than having applicants take …
Cattle Sympathy Campaign Backfires, Consumers Excited to Eat Beef That Bears Their Name
Animal rights activists swarmed supermarkets early this October and placed the names and pictures on meat packaging of cows that were slaughtered. Their ultimate goal was …
Parking Lot to Be Removed, New Location for Parking Removal Committee Headquarters
UC San Diego Transportation Services announced on Monday that the Hopkins Parking Structure will be demolished in June 2019. In addition, Transportation Services announced that a …
Congress Increases Government Transparency, Will Install New Windows
Following accusations of a biased closed confirmation hearing of Brett Kavanaugh, Congress passed a Republican-sponsored bill “increasing congressional transparency” by installing larger glass windows on the …
Human Woman Added to Endangered Species List
Following Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation and appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States, the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) named human women …
Point/Counter Point
POINT: Parents, Watch Out for Drugs in Your Children’s Halloween Candy! Attention, fellow parents! It has recently come to my attention that marijuana products have a …
Political Pundit Fails at Asking Where Restroom Is, Wets Pants in Protest
“You bet I had an accident here,” says James Riddle, a notorious public urinator. “After three cups of the special ‘Iced Mocha Madness,’ I was really …
Humanities Professor Forgets to Close Porn Tab Before Lecture, Promptly Resigns
Evan Burnsbury, a UCSD professor in the humanities department, quit his job after displaying a pornographic website on the projector in front of his HILD 2A …
UCSD Announces Destruction of Revelle, Marshall, and Muir to Make Room for Upcoming Seventh and Eighth Colleges
The world-renowned University of California, San Diego announced its decision to tear down Revelle, Marshall, and Muir Colleges to make space for the upcoming Seventh and …
Top Ten Reasons Why the Cops Are at Your Neighbor’s Door
1. The plan worked
2. Their family meth lab finally exploded
3. Your friend ordered the strippers to the wrong address
4. It’s CopCon 2018
5. You switched the numbers on your house and their house
6. They needed to borrow some sugar
7. You and your friends solved the mystery of who’s scaring people down at the pier
8. They accidentally hit “reply all” when they were talking about their bank robbery
9. It’s La Jolla and they have more than six girls in one apartment
10. That’s what you get for living next to a bunch of cops
