While most students seemed to be in shock, one was seen vigorously taking notes.
Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot
Evan Burnsbury, a UCSD professor in the humanities department, quit his job after displaying a pornographic website on the projector in front of his HILD 2A class.
According to student eyewitnesses, Professor Burnsbury was giving a lecture on the first draft of the Constitution and clicked away to show the class a Schoolhouse Rock program, only to reveal the video “Sluts from Hell 3: Zombies with Implants” to the entire auditorium.
“It was crazy,” said student Eduardo Ramirez. “Burnsbury put that on the big screen. When he tried to exit the page, he clicked play instead! You should’ve seen the look on his face. And it took him like 20 seconds to get rid of the video. But you have to respect the man — he has good taste. SFH 3 is in my top five.”
“Half of us were shocked and silent, but the other half were screaming with laughter,” recounted Sarah Blemely, a TA for Professor Burnsbury. “After he finally managed to close the video, he took his iPad and booked it straight to the bathroom.”
Students received an email from UCSD’s humanities department hours later stating that Burnsbury took a leave of absence and that all students would receive an extra ten points on their midterm, provided that “nobody sues.”
UCSD’s administrative office confirmed that Prof. Burnsbury resigned only 20-minutes after the incident occured, citing “tax reasons” as he ran out the door. An anonymous faculty member corroborated the administration’s story:
“Yeah, Burnsy forgot rule numero uno. Always close all your windows before heading to lecture. We even have that printed in the professor’s handbook. Actually, we lost at least six people last year for the exact same thing.”
Mobile phone footage collected from public Snapchat and Instagram stories show Burnsbury attempting to retrieve the clicker that he threw across the room in shock, tripping and falling on his way. Later videos show Burnsbury sprinting off campus into a Starbucks, where he reportedly made a quick exit after displaying another pornographic video to the barista whilst attempting to pay via the Starbucks mobile app.
“Man, Professor B’s into some weird shit,” said an anonymous student. “He had multiple tabs open and it just got weirder as you looked to the right. ‘Grandma is Bound and Tickled Mercilessly?’ Where do you even find something like that?”
Professor Burnsbury declined to be interviewed, but only after he first inadvertently sent a link to “Grandpa Gets Dominated by Furry Master.”
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