Briefs
Personal Carbon Electrolyzers May Solve Climate Crisis
From the makers of the Veritas 800 Marine 30 lubricant comes Chevron’s Carbon Electrolyzer, a machine able to “cleanly break down” CO2. “We have compacted our …
Inedible Arrangements CEO Becomes World’s First Trillionaire
Inedible Arrangements CEO Honey Dew became the world’s first trillionaire after her flower startup’s stock became the most traded stock in NASDAQ history. The stock’s meteoric …
UCSD Offers First Quantitative Sheep Studies Course
This quarter, UC San Diego began offering BAA 1: Quantitative Sheep Studies, a course to educate students on numerical methods for sheep counting. However, after only …
Elon Musk’s Baby Name List Leaked
A recent wave of phishing attacks targeting X users has resulted in hundreds of thousands of mobile devices being compromised. Anti-phishing investigations speculate the hackers’ motivations …
Lightning Union to Strike During October Solar Eclipse
Following in the footsteps of the recent SAG-AFTRA and UAW strikes, the United Lightning Bolts announced plans to strike starting on Friday, October 13, a “very …
“Alien Sexist” — Kerning Mishap Leads to “UF-aux Pas”
The National Aliens in Space Administration (NASA) recently declared the existence of sentient alien life located on one of Uranus’ moons. However, the printed announcement was …
DeSantis “Lost in Space” After Disastrous Second Campaign Re-Announcement
Following the backlash from his original presidential campaign announcement, Governor Ron DeSantis reportedly “fell off the face of the Earth,” neither appearing publicly nor reporting to …
Drake Performance SurprisesStudents at Sun God Festival
This year’s Sun God festival was filled with long lines and an array of performances from a variety of artists. However, students were most surprised when …
Plant Speech Decoded, Scientists Heard “More than They Came for”
A breakthrough study has discovered that there is more to plant life than germination and propagation. Lead scientist William Seed found that acoustically isolated plants periodically …
US Treasury Loses Trillion Dollar Coin
With weeks until the debt default deadline and negotiations at a stalemate, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen enacted her plan. “Once I saw that Joseph and Kevin …