Briefs
NPS to Launch “Politicians in Parks” Program
Despite budget cuts, mass layoffs, and government shutdown, the National Parks Service recently announced the creation of a new “Politicians in Parks” program. This program aims …
UCSD Declares War Against SDSU
Citing a need to “drum up school spirit,” UC San Diego’s Chancellor Khosla has officially declared war against San Diego State University, with his official casus …
Tapioca Express offers limited-edition Kiki drinks
On-campus boba shop Tapioca Express recently announced that through the end of Week One, they will be running a limited-time menu of Kiki drinks. The new …
Local Student Adopts Dorm Woodpecker
This summer, Housing, Dining, and Hospitality issued the largest fine in university history to an unnamed Revelle student after the student left over 50 holes in …
BREAKING: Anonymous Does Nothing Again
Last July, Anonymous, a self-identified group of decentralized “hacktivists,” posted a video on all social media platforms condemning the “dirty, rotten, gross, even” state of the …
Federal Government To Fund UCSD’s Premiere Conversion Therapy Camp
Executives at UC San Diego have begun spearheading initiatives to improve its quality of education. According to a leaked internal memo, one of these initiatives will …
White House Legalizes “Good” Treason
On September 20, 2025, President Donald Trump blanket pardoned all participants of the January 6 insurrection and legalized treason in the United States. When asked for …
Local Student Receives 1500 On SAT, Says Mother
Local high school junior Geoffrey Patrick Anderson received a score of 1500 on his SAT last week. According to a news tip emailed to a local …
Students Start ‘School Idol’ Group
Due to the reduction in UC San Diego’s budget, some students have begun to worry about the school’s lifespan. Motivated by these fears, a few “enthusiastic” …
Target CEO To Come Out As Bisexual Following DEI Rollback
During an emergency press conference outside the Target headquarters, CEO Brian Cornell publicly came out as bisexual, citing “lived experience and a revived pride for financial …
