Despite budget cuts, mass layoffs, and government shutdown, the National Parks Service recently announced the creation of a new “Politicians in Parks” program. This program aims to garner political support for maintaining the wellbeing of National Parks by exposing politicians to America’s wild wonders. The program would invite representatives, senators, and politicians in the executive branch of the government to select National Parks for a week of open air camping, hiking beyond rescue services reach, and other “very safe outdoor activities.”
One anonymous park ranger voiced their support for the program. “The national parks are bastions of America’s natural beauty, and it’s a shame that so many politicians can’t see that. They know so little about the places they claim to represent. They don’t even know about the hundreds of people who have disappeared without a trace inside the National Parks…Anyway, these parks are great resources and deserve protection. We just want to ensure politicians recognize that.”
To promote the program, the NPS has sent a flood of informational brochures to Washington DC. Notable pamphlets include ones “Spelunking is Fun and Easy,” “Things to Do in the Appalachian Woods at Night,” and “Bison Riding 101.”
Emerged from the primordial soup filled with joyous whimsy and disdain for Adobe.


