Last week, United Nations president Tijjani Muhammad- Bande declared a state of emergency because “Spotify just compelled him to”. “It was really weird at first,” Muhammad-Bande …

Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks New research from the UCSD’s Local Administration on Manners and Extroversion (L.A.M.E.) shows that those parties …

CHIPOTLE Discount Revoked For Uncreative PET Costume Local dog owner Jacob Houston was rejected from Chipotle’s annual Halloween discount after his English bulldog’s Batman costume was …

“Joker” Leaves Local Incel Unsatisfied and Angry Local man Wade Hursh was spotted yelling and causing a disturbance outside of Reading Cinema in Mira Mesa earlier …

“Most Realistic Horoscope Ever” Requires Social Security Number Constellar, a horoscope app touting its “incredibly realistic horoscope readings,” has recently become the most downloaded horoscope app …

Khosla Announces Halloween Costume — Sexy Chancellor Last week Chancellor Khosla made a public apology regarding his previous year’s costume. “I’m dearly sorry for scaring some …

UCSD to Build Online Security System With Money Gained from Facebook Partnership Representatives from the UCSD Information Technology Services announced last Friday their plans to improve …

Meninists United Announces Petition to Rename “Herpes” to “Himpes” In response to the feminist movements’ emphasis on retelling herstory, prominent members from the meninist movement have …

Outcry After Plant Workers Forced to Listen to “Work B**ch” on Repeat Public uproar rocked the internet this past Friday as a controversial video taken from …

Scrabble Champion Wins Tournament Playing “Boob” for 24 Points In an unexpected turn of events, Scrabble Master Jenny Newman became the new North American Scrabble Champion …