Rich Student Has Mother Visit Every Weekend to do His Money Laundering UCSD first year Alexander Washington recently told his suitemates that his mother frequently travels …

University of California Sponsors Next Season of The Bachelor to Decide Next UC President Following UC President Janet Napolitano’s plans of resignation from her position in …

Disney Launches Baby Rancor to Distract From Monopolistic Gains At D23, Disney released its newest project “STAR WARS: Greedo’s Gambit.” Kathleen Kennedy has released the following …

Ice Cube Changes Stage Name to Water Ice Cube, a founding member of the hip-hop group N.W.A., has made waves in the news after announcing that …

Leaked Republican Plan Aims to “Drown the Liberal Coasts” An anonymous source has recently revealed that a leaked Republican document detailed plans to accelerate global warming …

Democratic Debate Revealed to be Drinking Game Played by Candidates A leak from the office of the DNC described the November debate as a “drinking game …

Local Mall Santa Claims it is Impossible to Have One Ho, Must Have Three After showing up to work two and a half hours late with …

Last week, United Nations president Tijjani Muhammad- Bande declared a state of emergency because “Spotify just compelled him to”. “It was really weird at first,” Muhammad-Bande …

Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks New research from the UCSD’s Local Administration on Manners and Extroversion (L.A.M.E.) shows that those parties …

CHIPOTLE Discount Revoked For Uncreative PET Costume Local dog owner Jacob Houston was rejected from Chipotle’s annual Halloween discount after his English bulldog’s Batman costume was …