Written by: Dexter Hamilton

Democratic Debate Revealed to be Drinking Game Played by Candidates

A leak from the office of the DNC described the November debate as a “drinking game to give the candidates a break from their busy schedules of traveling the country and throwing fundraising dinners with wealthy donors.” Sources later confirmed that while nearly all of the candidates were onboard, billionaire Tom Steyer was “too happy to be there to notice what was happening.”

Candidates filled their water bottles with White Claw to “further connect with the youth” and drank whenever Tulsi Gabbard repeated a “right-wing talking point,” Joe Biden “fumbled a sentence,” or whenever the crowd applauded a “clearly pre-written line.”

After the event, every participant was reportedly rushed to the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Hospital staff were reportedly heard saying, “Wow, they’re even worse when they’re drunk.”

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