Briefs
Local Student Is on Edge of Being on Edge
Local Student Is on Edge of Being on Edge Bingus Bunggus has reported staring at the desktop of their computer for three days as their encroaching …
Pepsi Releases New European Line: Pepoui
Pepsi Releases New European Line: Pepoui European citizens and Pepsi enthusiasts alike are rejoicing at the new release of a French-themed take on the American soft …
Smuckers Uncrustables Recrusted
Smuckers Uncrustables Recrusted Smuckers has announced that their beloved Uncrustables will now be sold with crusts. This step is part of Smuckers’ vast rebranding campaign, which …
Should Guiseppe Mario be in jail? Is he innocent or guilty?
Should Guiseppe Mario be in jail? Is he innocent or guilty? While we’re sure that’s a question that’s on a lot of peoples’ minds, it’s Nintendo …
Which pokemon is the least satanic? (from a parent)
Which pokemon is the least satanic? (from a parent) Such a righteous question, but the blasphemous text of the Pokédex is no place to look for …
Why does Mario wear a hat?
Why does Mario wear a hat? Originally, we said that Mario is wearing a hat because drawing a fancy hairstyle in pixel sprites proved to be …
What is Professor Oak’s academic certification?
What is Professor Oak’s academic certification? Oak started his career as an undergraduate studying critical gender studies at the University of Kanto Celadon before flunking out …
Can Mario grow a beard, or only a mustache?
Can Mario grow a beard, or only a mustache? Mario is a true Italian man. Every single day, he shaves his entire stocky, hirsute body from …
Can Dr. Mario prescribe me Xanax?
Can Dr. Mario prescribe me Xanax? That’s a good question. Xanax is a prescription sedative used to treat anxiety and panic disorders, so based on your …
Why is Rosalina so tall?
Why is Rosalina so tall? Rosalina is not tall, Mario is simply a short, weak man. Mario’s weak and miniscule height is his penance for being …
