Articles
Title of Khosla’s Leaked 2022 Commencement Address: “Good Luck LMAO”
“I was really worried and uncertain for my future,” began one student. “But after reading this speech, I’m reassured that I’m definitely screwed.”Photo by Maria Dhilla …
Jeff Bezos Releases Best-selling Novel, “If You Give a Minimum Wage Worker Respect”
Bezos is slated to release a sequel next year, titled If You Give Your Wife Respect.Photo by James Woolley Last Wednesday, former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos …
Student Accidentally Brings All the Sand From the Beach Home With Them
After being investigated for sand theft, De Brie said, “There’s nothing more I can do — my hands are tide.”Photo by Sharon Roth Student Roxanne De …
Suburban Lawn Care Association Mandates Biodiversity Training
Michaels declared, “Finally, the reign of grass is clover!”Photo by Sharon Roth Burt Lopez, co-chair of the La Jolla Lawn Care Association and owner of the …
Chancellor Khosla Sleeps Through Campus Abortion Rights Protest
“Sleep is for the weak. Thankfully, it’s Thursday,” said Khosla.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the leaked draft opinion on Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health, …
Mother Nature Dramatically Misunderstands the Assignment, Starts Giving Out Lemmings
One customer said, “I bit into a lemon and was horrified to find out that it was actually a small rodent. It’s a horrible moral delemming.”Photo …
It’s Not Easy Being White
Every day I hear people saying things like, “white isn’t a color,” “white is just the absence of color,” “you can’t even see white, you just …
Around the World with Cristopher Gardner: Cajun Cuisine
Once again, I have been sent to travel to find the most peculiar foods and rate them for the post. This mission has led me to …
Yeast of Eden
BY SUSAN BAGEL Time is always in flux around me. I blink and hours pass. It’s not until I hear the car door slam closed as …
Is it Ever Okay – Breastfeeding
I’m trying to raise my child vegan. Is it okay to breastfeed them or should I go straight to oatmilk?– VEGAN VIVIAN Hm, this sure is …
