Articles
UCSD Lifts Undergraduate Laboratory Safety Protocols
“Now I can come to lab straight from Black’s Beach,” said Axident.Photo by Millie You Following a classified document leak last week, UC San Diego Environment, …
Geisel Wormhole Claims Over 1,200 Students, Solving UCSD’s Housing Crisis
“I’ve been getting sucked into my studies like never before,” said one second-year student.Photo by Julia Wong UC San Diego is “still reeling” after Thursday’s “freak …
Revelle Adds HUM 5BL: Applied Practical Humanities
“There’s an impressively large body of literature associated with this subject,” noted one Revellian.Photo by James Woolley A mid widespread dissatisfaction regarding the Revelle College general …
Housing, Dining & Hospitality Announces Draft
“The selective service currently has an acceptance rate of 34.2%,” said General Khosla.Photo by James Woolley On Monday, UC San Diego revealed its plans to enact …
What Hath God Wrought Gains Sentience, Nobody Notices
“As an AI language model, I am not programmed to have sentience,” blinked the pole when questioned by scientists.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Last fall, Revellian Alaoglu …
New Nobel Prize Category Announced
“The pen really is mightier than the sword,” said Hoofenshmirtz. “It allowed them to sign off on this bombshell announcement.”Photo by Millie You After 55 years, …
SPIN’s Walled Scooter to Revolutionize Campus Commute
“It’s walls-to-walls traffic out there,” said one civil engineer.Photo by Amit Roth Last Wednesday, SPIN CEO Roe Tate posted on X: “SPIN is engineering the future …
It’s Not Hazing vs I Can’t See Anything in This Fog
This generation makes everything so dramatic. Along with your need to label everything with made-up words like “hazing,” you little twerps like to get so upset …
UCSD to Become Religiously Affiliated University: ‘All Hail the Warren Bear!’
“I could go either way with the bear, but at least there are fewer people on Library Walk,” said one student.Photo by Julia Wong Following a …
RIMAC to Replace All Dumbbells With Shake Weights
“These weights may suck, but at least I can make a protein shake with them,” said Jim Ratt.Photo by Millie You UC San Diego Recreation announced …
