News
UC San Diego to Convert Lecture Halls to Outdoor Classrooms by Removing Ceilings
This is part of the university’s initiative to push students to reach for the stars.Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced a bold …
Election Results Uncertain, US to be Returned to the United Kingdom
Paul Revere forgot to bring the mini sandwiches to the Boston Tea Party.Photo by Jack Yang The British Parliament, responding to claims of election fraud within the …
Mall Santa “a Little Too Eager” To Let Kid Sit On His Lap
Jones reportedly signed a non-disclosure agreement with a statute of limitations claus.Photo by Jack Yang Public suspicion has been rising surrounding Heritage Plaza Mall Santa Carl Jones, …
Christmas Cancelled After Unmitigated Spread of COVID-19 in Santa’s Workshop
Santa was heard saying, “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Coughy, on Wheezy! On Comet, and Cupid, Fatigue, and Diseasey!”Photo by Sharon Roth As the end of the …
According to ISS Reports, The United States “Looks Purple From Space”
The discovery that the US is purple came completely out of the blue.Photo by Sharon Roth A new revolutionary technology developed by NASA capable of detecting and …
Bees Under Investigation for Illegal Activity
The Hive Guys burger chain was discovered to be a front for honey laundering.Photo by Jack Yang A recent FBI leak created quite a buzz when it …
US Debt Mysteriously Discovered Again After Disappearing for 4 Years
“To make money, one must spend money,” Trump claimed, as he raised the US debt seven trillion dollars.Photo by Jack Yang Soon after the recognition of Joe …
Moviegoers Petition to Implement New “PP” Rating for Pre-Pandemic Films, Citing Dangerous Behavior
Theaters have increased the number of showing times for Jim Carrey’s “The Mask.”Photo by Stephen Lightfoot A new viral campaign, called the PG-PP Movement, has emerged …
Politics Aren’t That Important vs. Yes, So You Shouldn’t Vote
Point: Politics Aren’t That Important By Benny Rourke Ambivalent Democrat/Moderate If you don’t want to vote, honestly it won’t bug me that much. I, for one, …
Academic Integrity Office Overwhelmed by Instances of Students “Venting” During Exam
A hard limit was placed on emergency meetings called during quizzes.Photo by Sharon Roth The Academic Integrity Office has reported 425 new cases of students being …
