“To make money, one must spend money,” Trump claimed, as he raised the US debt seven trillion dollars.
Photo by Jack Yang
Soon after the recognition of Joe Biden’s victory in the presidential election, reports of the United States debt re-emerging were cited by multiple sources. Overnight, multiple mentions of the national debt have emerged on Twitter, Facebook and /pol. George Hitch, a concerned presidential election-only voter stated, “I start to get real worked up when I remember that we have a national debt. It’s a real issue, and Democrats would rather us give everyone free critical gender studies degrees than understand that when we have a debt to pay, we need to pay it.” When asked about his thoughts on the 36% increase in national debt under the Trump Administration, Hitch simply replied, “I’m not really into politics.”
Top career Democrats have already responded to the issue, reportedly promising to react with a “powerful and resounding solution.” Tom Perez, the chair of the Democratic Party has announced, “We will sacrifice everything to make sure we pay full attention to this problem. The public option which we barely scraped by for you whiny progressives can wait another four years can it not?” When asked about strategies on tackling the national debt Perez reportedly replied, “We have our top politicians on the case. Nancy Pelosi will grab any paper she sees mentioning the debt and rip it up with her bare hands and then just stand there. Chuck Schumer will be next to her, and also just stand there. This plan is already off the wall and friggin’ bananas, but to make sure that there is no way that we are thwarted in focusing 100% on the national debt, we have locked up AOC and her squad in a meat locker. The worst thing for the national debt problem right now is to offer solutions, and we can’t have any silly ‘pie in the sky’ ideas floating around while we focus on the real issues.”
The Republican Party has also weighed in on the issue, releasing a statement saying, “Five years ago, Barack Hussein Obama incurred the most national debt for our country we had ever seen. Now, four years later, even after his presidency has ended, the debt is even higher. Can Obama explain how he increased the debt yet again?”
Some members of the Republican party reportedly went even further. Senator Ted “Good Ol’ Texas Ted” Cruz stated, “The socialist liberals don’t like to face the fact that the national debt is a real problem. They’d rather pretend it doesn’t exist, just like how I grew a beard and started chomping cigars on Twitter videos in order to get over the fact Trump would ring me up every night in the last election and call me “Pudgy Boy Little Liar Boy, Little Ted” until he fell asleep. These liberals need to understand that I am very cool and also that the debt is very real.”
The Democratic Socialists of America have reportedly supported the Democrats decision to pledge 100% power to the national debt issue. In a recent video released by the DSA, Tom Perez, wearing Michael Harrington’s freshly peeled face, stated, “Hi. I am Michael Harrington. We at the DSA realized that free healthcare is a very unattainable and stupid goal, and we will actually now be switching 100% of our efforts to bailing out the United States of America and getting nothing in return. Once again, I am Michael Harrington, and definitely not Tom Perez.”
The unanimity to tackle the national debt from all political perspectives allows bipartisan control of the Democratic Party. Many political experts reportedly agree this was done to ensure they do nothing productive in the senate, and to allow the liberal voters to peacefully return to brunch.