News
Research Finds That Masks Prevent Cartoon Pie Physics
Studies show that data from this research affects all but 3.14 percent of Americans.Photo by Jack Yang A recent report by the UCSD Institute of Public …
Favorite Children’s Book Author Revealed to be Objectively Horrible Person
“Who knew that the man who conceived a world where native Oompa-Loompas are taken from their homes to serve a white businessman was actually racist?” exclaimed …
Revelle and Roosevelt Colleges to be Merged, Number of GE Requirements Doubled
“At least I don’t have to worry about finding a job for the next six years,” one student said.Photo by Jack Yang Last Tuesday, during a brief …
Area Woman Living Alone With Three Cats Insists: “I’m Fine!”
“Do we live just to die?” asked Monroe. “Meow,” said her cat.Photo by Sharon Roth The quarantining caused by the COVID-19 pandemic has stretched on for over …
Pandemic Not Enough to Halt Construction at UCSD
Cafe Ventana’s food reportedly tastes the same even with nuclear waste mixed in.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, UCSD has made …
Someone, Please Eat My Hasselback Potatoes
I am stupefied. I just took a tray of Hasselback potatoes out of the oven, and for what? Am I about to eat multiple baked potatoes …
Former “Gifted” Student No Longer “a Pleasure to Have in Class”
“Sometimes I feel like I peaked in preschool,” lamented Livens.Photo by Sharon Roth In first grade, Amanda Livens was reportedly labeled a “talented and gifted” student. 12 …
Zoom Backgrounds Now More Important Than Fashion Sense
Casando said, “I haven’t left my house in months. I wouldn’t be caught dead without my zoom background!”Photo by Sharon Roth As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to …
UCSD Student Makes Rare, Historic Discovery: Hidden Homework Assignment on Canvas Worth 75 Percent of Grade
“I found it,” said one student, “and I still have 20 minutes to submit it!”Photo by Jack Yang UCSD freshman Carlos Betancourt did not expect to make …
Library Walk Student Org Booths to be Moved to Zoom Waiting Rooms
“Zoom fatigue has a new meaning now that I’m actually running away from my screen,” claimed one student.Photo by Sharon Roth In an attempt to emulate the …
