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White House Employees Sabotage Transition, Places Whoopee Cushion in Oval Office
Highly trained officers are still on the lookout for several cans of Silly String.Photo by Maria Dhilla According to reports from several anonymous sources within the White …
Gibbs Free Energy Now Costs 10 Dollars
The protesting molecules claimed, “Y’all are gonna be real sorry once we go on strike and cause the heat deathof the universe.”Photo by Sharon Roth With the …
President Trump Sues White House Ravens for Saying “Nevermore”
Trump was later found muttering, “’Tis some staffer knocking at the Oval Office door. Only this and nothing more.”Photo by Maria Dhilla President Trump has declared a …
US Election Results to be Graded on a Curve Because Class Average is 50 Percent
Drawing arbitrary lines was easy for the Republicans after all their practice gerrymandering.Photo by Sharon Roth Due to the “uncertainty” in the results of the recent presidential …
Florida Governor Passes “Frenchifying” Mandate to Boost European Tourism
The water skier was reportedly heard saying, “Ouiiiii!”Photo by Sharon Roth Many Florida residents are outraged by a new mandate passed by Governor Jean-Claude Bernard requiring all …
UC San Diego to Convert Lecture Halls to Outdoor Classrooms by Removing Ceilings
This is part of the university’s initiative to push students to reach for the stars.Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced a bold …
Dr. Fauci Equips Arm-Mounted Syringe Cannon, Intends to Distribute Vaccines “Whether Americans Like It or Not”
An eyewitness was heard saying, “I’ve never vac-seen a sexier person.”Photo by Jack Yang Last Thursday in Bethesda, Maryland, during the quiet hours before the morning traffic …
Election Results Uncertain, US to be Returned to the United Kingdom
Paul Revere forgot to bring the mini sandwiches to the Boston Tea Party.Photo by Jack Yang The British Parliament, responding to claims of election fraud within the …
Mall Santa “a Little Too Eager” To Let Kid Sit On His Lap
Jones reportedly signed a non-disclosure agreement with a statute of limitations claus.Photo by Jack Yang Public suspicion has been rising surrounding Heritage Plaza Mall Santa Carl Jones, …
Christmas Cancelled After Unmitigated Spread of COVID-19 in Santa’s Workshop
Santa was heard saying, “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Coughy, on Wheezy! On Comet, and Cupid, Fatigue, and Diseasey!”Photo by Sharon Roth As the end of the …
