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White House Employees Sabotage Transition, Places Whoopee Cushion in Oval Office
Highly trained officers are still on the lookout for several cans of Silly String.Photo by Maria Dhilla According to reports from several anonymous sources within the White …
Gibbs Free Energy Now Costs 10 Dollars
The protesting molecules claimed, “Y’all are gonna be real sorry once we go on strike and cause the heat deathof the universe.”Photo by Sharon Roth With the …
President Trump Sues White House Ravens for Saying “Nevermore”
Trump was later found muttering, “’Tis some staffer knocking at the Oval Office door. Only this and nothing more.”Photo by Maria Dhilla President Trump has declared a …
According to ISS Reports, The United States “Looks Purple From Space”
The discovery that the US is purple came completely out of the blue.Photo by Sharon Roth A new revolutionary technology developed by NASA capable of detecting and …
Bees Under Investigation for Illegal Activity
The Hive Guys burger chain was discovered to be a front for honey laundering.Photo by Jack Yang A recent FBI leak created quite a buzz when it …
US Debt Mysteriously Discovered Again After Disappearing for 4 Years
“To make money, one must spend money,” Trump claimed, as he raised the US debt seven trillion dollars.Photo by Jack Yang Soon after the recognition of Joe …
Pfizer Announces New mRNA Vaccine Will Be Stored in Tubs of Ice Cream
Distribution begins this Sundae.Photo by Sharon Roth & Ben Schumin Pfizer, one of the world’s most successful pharmaceutical companies, announced that their new mRNA vaccine for COVID-19 …
Transportation Services Announce New Party Bus Shuttle
UCSD announced their next transportation vehicle: The What Hath God Yacht.Photo by Jack Yang On Sunday, UCSD Transportation Services announced a new shuttle to compensate for the …
New Skin Cream Reveals Secret: Free-Range, Organically Produced Horse Semen
Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Neighbelline.Photo by Maria Dhilla Coming to pharmacies near you is an anti-acne cream that claims to have an unprecedented efficacy …
Ancient Mayan Typo Found: Apocalypse Predicted for 2021
“It’s not the intern’s fault, he doesn’t get a lot of dates,” said a researcher.Photo by Sharon Roth Scholars studying and translating the ancient Mayan calendar have …
