Gibbs Free Energy Now Costs 10 Dollars

The protesting molecules claimed, “Y’all are gonna be real sorry once we go on strike and cause the heat death
of the universe.”
Photo by Sharon Roth

With the growing disarray of the energy market, many low-income molecules are finding that the cost of reacting is becoming more and more unaffordable. After being appointed head of the Energy Commission, PG5, the largest stable synthetic molecule ever made, announced that the price of Gibbs Free Energy would be increasing to $10 to prevent greedy atoms from stealing others’ electrons. PG5 released a statement criticizing molecules that could not react after the Gibbs Free Energy price increase, stating “if we could overcome this energetic barrier, so can you. We cannot tolerate lazy molecules like this, who are greedily taking advantage of the system.” It later came out that PG5 reportedly received help from world-class scientists, who originally helped them synthesize.

PG5, which is known among dissenters as “Big Molecule,” has been demonized in the molecule community. Widespread protests broke out after PG5 said that molecules whose synthesis was deemed “unfavorable” ought not to form in the first place. Sodium acetate, an outspoken activist, shared its family’s story in a touching blog post: “You might know my parents as Baking Soda and Vinegar. Their first meeting at a children’s science fair was the stuff of legends. However, my production being an endothermic process, you might not know how long they saved up the energy to have me. If PG5’s harmful rules were in place, I might never have been born.”

The change in Gibbs Free Energy was seen as unfavorable, as many molecules accustomed to being in equilibrium were reportedly thrown out of balance. Ammonia, an inorganic molecule, reportedly had to save up to react for months. “I was just nitrogen and hydrogen gas for so long,” said Ammonia, “I wish people knew how unstable molecules can be before they save up enough to react.”

Also following this change, atoms can no longer afford to act spontaneously and are forced to plan in advance if they want to bond with others. Carbon, an element that used to enjoy bonding with its friends Hydrogen, Nitrogen, and Oxygen, reported severing those bonds and isolating itself after the news. Carbon told reporters, “My orbitals feel so unfulfilled, now that I can’t share electrons with anyone. I’m getting blue bosons over here, I’m that lonely.” Ammonia and Carbon aren’t the only particles disappointed by the Energy Commission’s announcement. Sodium acetate reportedly started an activist group, made up of a mixture of many types of molecules, called “We Are The Solution.” A recent recruit to the group told reporters they joined because they thought that “it’s so unfair that Big Molecule profits off our backs. It’s just not mole-cool.”

We Are The Solution organized the biggest anti-PG5 protest, which took place last Saturday. Fluorine, who was reportedly detained after the protest, justified its actions with the statement, “The universe tends toward disorder, so it shouldn’t be a problem for us to accelerate the process. If Big Molecule really cared, they’d redistribute the means of producing molecules so we could all profit.”