News
UCSD Cuts Costs by Hiring Giant Eyeball to Proctor Exams
“It’s a lie,” said one student. “If someone dies during the test, you don’t automatically get an A.”Photo by Amit Roth As students walk into their …
UCSD Biology Debuts Discussion Sections with 300 Students
“Let’s get that kiss cam goin’!” exclaimed one student.Photo by Sharon Roth The Epstein Family Amphitheater hosted the Department of Biological Sciences’ Shame ’n’ Sack Showdown …
MLB Hires Striking TV Show Writers
“I’m gonna be great at this whole baseball thing,” said one writer. “I’ve already nailed my opening pitch.”Photo by Jacob King and Maria Dhilla Shortly after …
Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status
“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …
Absolut Unveils Pink-Flavored, Mercury-Infused Vodka for Pride Month
“LGBT stands for Let’s Get Buzzed Together,” said John Deackon, an Absolut brand representative.Photo by Amit Roth This week, Absolut Vodka announced a new Pride month …
La Jolla Village Square Parking Lot Replaced With “The Pit”
“I love the pit,” said one Ralphs customer. “My 2005 Toyota Sienna went in, and a brand new Lamborghini came out.”Photo by Maria Dhilla On Sunday, …
US Army Brings ROTC to Preschools
After two weeks of basic combat training, new BIB recruits will be expected to complete two weeks of intensive potty training.Photo by Amit Roth Over the …
UCSD Reveals Sun God Is Pansexual in Celebration of Pride Month
UC San Diego is reportedly editing Dawn of a Deity for release in Florida.Photo by Julia Wong On June 1, UC San Diego sent out an …
New LinkedIn Jobs Update Released: LinkedIn Cogs
“I preferred getting ghosted,” said one LinkedIn Cogs user. “At least I could be righteously angry about that.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last week, in response to …
What Hath God Wrought Has Been Spelling Out Something Else This Entire Time
“I figured out the first piece of the puzzle,” said one What Hath God Hidden member. “They’re using Morse code.”Photo by Amit Roth Recent controversy has …
