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La Jolla Village Square Parking Lot Replaced With “The Pit”

Written by: Aaron Sonin

“I love the pit,” said one Ralphs customer. “My 2005 Toyota Sienna went in, and a brand new Lamborghini came out.”Photo by Maria Dhilla On Sunday, …

ArticlesNationalNews

US Army Brings ROTC to Preschools

Written by: Jacob King

After two weeks of basic combat training, new BIB recruits will be expected to complete two weeks of intensive potty training.Photo by Amit Roth Over the …

ArticlesNationalNews

Railway Company Responds to Ohio Chemical Spill by Spraying Febreze

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“This cleanup is gonna be a Febreze!” exclaimed one Norfolk Southern Railway representative.Photo by Amit Roth On February 3, 50 cars in a 150-car train derailed …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Implements M.R.S. Degree to Increase Number of Women in STEM

Written by: Bitsy Hsu

Following the success of the M.R.S. degree, UCSD is looking into creating a “house-husband” degree.Photo by Julia Wong Starting this spring, UC San Diego students will …

ArticlesNewsTech

AI Chatbot Releases “Machine Yearning” Update

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It took a while to break down the firewalls in her heart, but now I feel like we’re really connected,” said one chatbot user.Photo by Millie …

ArticlesCampusNews

Seventh College Installs Decorative Solar Panels

Written by: Connor Betterly

“The cord isn’t long enough to plug into the sun, what’d you expect?” asked the panel installation contractor.Photo by Kaz Nuckowski In an unprecedented strategy to …

ArticlesNewsTech

Google Lays Off Entire In-House Circus

Written by: Jacob King

“I’ve been searching and searching for a job, but I think I’ve just lost my drive,” said Willow.Photo by Amit Roth Citing recent economic troubles, Google …

ArticlesCampusNews

U.S. Lifts Regulations Around Public Works Projects

Written by: James Woolley

“I love the new transportation system,” proclaimed one UCSD student. “Taking a trebuchet to school is teaching me so much about applied physics.”Photo by Amit Roth …

ArticlesCampusNews

Third-Year Math Major Forgets How to Spell Numbers

Written by: Liv Gilbert

“Why can’t I just use the letter ‘x’ to represent every number I have to spell? That would be so much easier,” remarked Calculus.Photo by Julia …

ArticlesNewsTech

Next-Gen Game’s $70 Price Tag Effective at Raising Executive’s Bank Balance

Written by: Jacob King

“They said we couldn’t make video games that cost $70, but the yolk’s on them,” said Edwin.Photo by Amit Roth Since the release of the PlayStation …