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UCSD to Introduce Mini-Triple Rooms

Written by: Nadia Marigold

“In this room, my mini fridge looks like a regular fridge,” said Cole Habitation.Photo by James Woolley UC San Diego has announced it will eliminate all …

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Supreme Court Votes to Abolish Retirement

Written by: Ren Wallace

“Too many vacation days? Take a vacation straight to interview hell,” said a representative of the US Department of More Labor.Photo by Julia Wong Last week, …

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SIO Researchers Discover Godzilla off La Jolla Coast

Written by: Chris Zhang

“I always knew my husband was a snack,” said one grieving spouse.Photo by Destiny Friday On March 11, 2024, Scripps Institute of Oceanography researchers on the …

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Coca-Cola Unveils New Ad Campaign to Kill the Polar Bears

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“Be the climate change you want to see in the world,” said Chief Marketing Officer Klymat Chang.Photo by Amit Roth Beverage giant Coca-Cola announced in a …

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HDH Enacts Quarterly Speed Dating Trials

Written by: Sydney Alexander

“The incessant buzzing of the fluorescent lights really sets the mood,” said one student.Photo by James Woolley For the past two quarters, UC San Diego Housing, …

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Trump Discovered to Be Immune to Every Disease, Including ‘Rule of Law’

Written by: Millie You

“That’s right,” Donald Trump said. “My bloodstream rejects all foreign bodies!”Photo by Dylan Towner and Amit Roth Last Tuesday, a “groundbreaking” medical discovery was announced by …

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UCSD to Release Anime Featuring John Muir, Roger Revelle as Romantic Leads

Written by: Ren Wallace

“We need another college named after a woman,” said one Archive of Our Own writer. “I need a yuri series next.”Photo by Julia Wong Touted by …

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Khosla Declares UCSD Tuition ‘Too Low’

Written by: Sophie Pubb

“I’m proud to announce that we no longer have students living under the poverty line,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Justin Xu At a recent press conference, …

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Iowa Becomes First Woman-Free State

Written by: Dylan Towner

“How can I be a misogynist when I don’t even miss the women?” asked Governor Mannington.Photo by Amit Roth In the six months following the enactment …

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MOM’s Adopts a Child

Written by: Shayna Crasnick

“We’re not a mom and pop shop, we’re a mom and mom shop!” said Mah Mi.Photo by Connor Betterly In 1967, MOM’s (Middle of Muir) Café …