News
MOM’s Adopts a Child
“We’re not a mom and pop shop, we’re a mom and mom shop!” said Mah Mi.Photo by Connor Betterly In 1967, MOM’s (Middle of Muir) Café …
Man Gets What He Wants by Wishing upon a Star
“I tried to wish on the star too,” said Richard #29, “but nothing happened.”Photo by Dylan Schmidt In a series of events reported as “rare” by …
Disney Copyrights ‘Everything’
“I think these copyright laws are really Goofy… I mean silly!” said Benson Honeydid.Photo by Julia Wong Following the recent introduction of the classic Disney short …
Christmas Decor to Change Alongside Climate
“We’re going to get a lot of coal this Christmas,” said Jolly McTinsel.Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to focus group data from holiday retail giant Mallhark, …
Congressional Committee Distracted by Fly
“Kids these days have terrible attention spans… Wait, what’s that?” asked Senator Joe Manchin.Photo by Erica Rosslee A closed-door hearing for the Joint Congressional Committee on …
New Car Headlights to Be Replaced with Floodlights
“Do you guys smell something burning?” asked Sneeth Broth.Photo by Amit Roth Following a study on the light intensity of new car headlights, several car companies, …
ChatGPT Caught Cheating on Student
“I thought we were in an open source relationship!” said ChatGPT.Photo by Julia Wong Navigating multiple deferrals and the students sleeping in their hallways, the Academic …
UCSD Transportation Services Debuts Airline
“What’s the deal with HDH airline food?” asked one student.Photo by Connor Betterly This weekend, Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced that, in an effort to ease students’ …
UCSD Announces Plan to Become Carbon Neutral
“The warmth of Chancellor Khosla’s new car is enough for all of Sixth College,” said one student.Photo by Julia Wong In order to become carbon neutral, …
Goodnight Moon Challenged in Schools After Debate Regarding Moon’s Existence
“It’s time for us to say goodnight to the nefarious influence of this book,” said one parent.Photo by Millie You The string of conservative-led book bans …
