News
Trump Discovered to Be Immune to Every Disease, Including ‘Rule of Law’
“That’s right,” Donald Trump said. “My bloodstream rejects all foreign bodies!”Photo by Dylan Towner and Amit Roth Last Tuesday, a “groundbreaking” medical discovery was announced by …
UCSD to Release Anime Featuring John Muir, Roger Revelle as Romantic Leads
“We need another college named after a woman,” said one Archive of Our Own writer. “I need a yuri series next.”Photo by Julia Wong Touted by …
Khosla Declares UCSD Tuition ‘Too Low’
“I’m proud to announce that we no longer have students living under the poverty line,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Justin Xu At a recent press conference, …
Iowa Becomes First Woman-Free State
“How can I be a misogynist when I don’t even miss the women?” asked Governor Mannington.Photo by Amit Roth In the six months following the enactment …
Local Gamer Embarks on ‘Relationship Nuzlocke’ to Legalize Polyamory
“I’ve always been weak to normal types,” said Nico Franc.Photo by Connor Betterly Polyamory is rising in recognition and favorability among young people, but legal protections …
iPads Mandated in UCSD Classrooms
Students are reportedly bringing back the tradition of putting an Apple on the teachers desk.Photo by Amit Roth In preparation for Spring 2024 course registration, UC …
UCSD Implements Official Land Acknowledgment ‘Thanks to ChatGPT’
“As a human representative of this university, I am not contractually obligated to show empathy,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Alongside an announcement released by …
MOM’s Adopts a Child
“We’re not a mom and pop shop, we’re a mom and mom shop!” said Mah Mi.Photo by Connor Betterly In 1967, MOM’s (Middle of Muir) Café …
Man Gets What He Wants by Wishing upon a Star
“I tried to wish on the star too,” said Richard #29, “but nothing happened.”Photo by Dylan Schmidt In a series of events reported as “rare” by …
Disney Copyrights ‘Everything’
“I think these copyright laws are really Goofy… I mean silly!” said Benson Honeydid.Photo by Julia Wong Following the recent introduction of the classic Disney short …
