News
Las Vegas Consumed by Plague of Moths
“I was drawn to it like a moth to a… like a… like… um…” said one moth.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Only a few months after the …
US Military Tours Homeless Encampments for Career Exploration
This is an interesting conundrum,” said a member of the middle class. “I respect the troops, but I hate the homeless.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow This past …
Rising Sea Levels to Extinguish Forest Fires
“Californians were happy that they had no more forest fires — before they all drowned,” said Future Senator Petrol G. Ascot.Photo by Julia Wong Chaos broke …
UCSD to Introduce Mini-Triple Rooms
“In this room, my mini fridge looks like a regular fridge,” said Cole Habitation.Photo by Naomika Nadkarni and James Woolley UC San Diego has announced it …
Supreme Court Votes to Abolish Retirement
“Too many vacation days? Take a vacation straight to interview hell,” said a representative of the US Department of More Labor.Photo by Julia Wong Last week, …
SIO Researchers Discover Godzilla off La Jolla Coast
“I always knew my husband was a snack,” said one grieving spouse.Photo by Destiny Friday On March 11, 2024, Scripps Institute of Oceanography researchers on the …
Coca-Cola Unveils New Ad Campaign to Kill the Polar Bears
“Be the climate change you want to see in the world,” said Chief Marketing Officer Klymat Chang.Photo by Amit Roth Beverage giant Coca-Cola announced in a …
HDH Enacts Quarterly Speed Dating Trials
“The incessant buzzing of the fluorescent lights really sets the mood,” said one student.Photo by James Woolley For the past two quarters, UC San Diego Housing, …
Last S Spot Declared UNESCO World Heritage Site
“What the hell did the S even stand for?!” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Over the course of the last school year, the university’s Parking …
Neuralink Announces Amygdala Removal Surgery
“The NARC chip has a dual benefit of alerting the authorities every time someone thinks about using opiates,” said Alma Bowls.Photo by Julia Wong With Neuralink’s …
