National
Philadelphia Mothers Find Out California Pretty Big, Actually
“I heard California’s sinking into the ocean. That’s not good,” said one concerned mother. Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to a recent press release, the newly …
Zoom Workplace Solves Employee Work-Life Synergy
When asked for comment, many corporate executives were found unresponsive with cameras off.Photo by Justin Xu This October, Zoom Communications, Inc. plans to add “business-forward” tools …
ICE Lowers Education Qualification Requirements
Benefits reportedly include boots for lunch. Photo by Farhad Taporevala On September 12, Vista Logan High School, located in San Diego’s South Bay region, reported its …
Venture Capitalist Invest in Students
Following a “depressing” week for the stock market, venture capitalist firm SadeFirm has decided to invest in UC San Diego students. SadeFirm has been scouting campus …
White House Legalizes “Good” Treason
On September 20, 2025, President Donald Trump blanket pardoned all participants of the January 6 insurrection and legalized treason in the United States. When asked for …
BREAKING: Anonymous Does Nothing Again
Last July, Anonymous, a self-identified group of decentralized “hacktivists,” posted a video on all social media platforms condemning the “dirty, rotten, gross, even” state of the …
Department of War to Honor UCSD with Naval Base
“Yar har, me class-mateys,” said one self-proclaimed “First Matey.”Photo by Destiney Friday After years of loyalty to the United States Department of War, President Trump has …
America Balkanizes
Wyoming reportedly did not notice.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After a typo in a Supreme Court decision annulled the entirety of the U.S. Constitution last week, the …
Trump Imposes Tariffs on International Students
“This term is going to be tariff-ic!” said Trump.Photo by Jordan Whitlow In the wake of enacting tariffs on goods ranging from aluminum to foreign movies, …
Department of Education Opens UC Guantanamo Bay
“Why would I speak up? I’m not a student,” said one community member.Photo by Janice Kim On Tuesday, the Trump administration announced a commitment to a …
