Local
Life Revealed to be an Elaborate Game of Mad Libs Played by the Gods
“Oh, this ought to be a good one,” said Tian Gong, looking at the line: “Jesus was __ (Race).”Photo by Jack Yang In a booming announcement from …
Groundhog Day Inner Circle Reveals Punxsutawney Phil as “Treacherous Warhawk”
Rumor has it Punxsutawney Phil grows stronger every time someone misspells his name.Photo by Sharon Roth Only a few days after he declared an early spring, serious …
Local Charmin Ultra Soft Bear Household Stocked With Strong Toilet Paper, Charmin Bear Child Found Passed Out in Bathroom
“Maybe we should just switch to wet wipes,” commented Ultrasoft Charmin Bear Mom.Photo by Sharon Roth Various bathrooms in the house of a Charmin Ultra Soft bear …
Local Laptop Has Existential Crisis After Being Put on Desk, Starts Lifestyle Blog
My Laptop later shared that its crisis could not be solved by turning itself off and on again.Photo by Sharon Roth Local laptop “My Laptop,” a Lenovo …
Actor Dies of Cardiac Arrest In Scene Where Grinch’s Heart Grows Three Sizes
Critics referred to Anderson’s portrayal of the Grinch as “a heart-wrenching performance.”Photo by Jack Yang Tragedy struck a high school performance of Dr. Seuss’ “How the Grinch …
Mother Refuses to Cater to Daughter's "Vegan Phase" during Thanksgiving Dinner
Julie Smith decided the centerpiece dish would be the beef between her and her daughter.Photo by Jerry Wu UCSD first-year Marie Smith’s Thanksgiving break has turned into …
Area Writer Admitted to Jacobs Burn Center Due to Burnout
A further look into Stefanovic’s computer revealed 37 work-in-progress documents.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD student Joe Stefanovic, a 20 year-old satire writer, has recently been admitted to …
Costco Sample Guy in Consideration for Michelin Star
Critics’ only complaint was that they could only take one sample at a time.Photo by Jack Yang Longtime employee of Claremont’s Costco Wholesale, Hank McKindle, has been …
Experts Recommend Daylight Roth IRA Over Daylight Savings
Half of the protest reportedly failed to show up because they “fell forward” instead of “falling back.”Photo by Silver Wallace On November 3, residents across San Diego …
Local Student Seeks to Learn Who Gerry Mandering Is
Quill later wanted to find out who “All” was and why they should get Medicare.Photo by Jack Yang First-year ERC student Tara Quill, after just now realizing …
