Campus
Disneyland and UC System Compete for Highest Prices
UCSD and Disney are also currently engaged in a trademark dispute over the name “King Triton.”Photo by Sharon Roth With spring and summer break just around the …
Valentine’s Day Goes Paperless to Appeal to “Those Whiny Kids”
Kids lauded the move as a “true act of love” toward the Earth.Photo by Silver Wallace In a bid to reconcile outdated courting practices, major Valentine’s card …
Soldiers Enraged as Mouse and Keyboard are Disabled for Potential WWIII
Vargas complained that disabling mouse and keyboard would ruin his “epic 89% accuracy rate.”Photo by Jack Yang On Monday, January 13, US Secretary of Defense Mark Esper …
Local Biology Professor Loses Funding After Lab Stocked With Antibacterial Soap
Sources heard the bacteria protesters shouting: “Please, just one sneeze! We’re starving!”Photo by Jay Noonan Longtime cell biology researcher Alexander Conrad recently announced that his lab lost …
UCSD Student Proposes $300 AirPod "Earrings"
Following the release of the product, both ear infection rates and the model’s Instagram follower count reportedly skyrocketed.Photo by Sharon Roth Reports find that Apple’s wireless earbuds …
Local Student Caught Googling How to Painlessly Break Leg After Rumors of Military Draft
Before the hammer was swung, Krohner reportedly cried out, “Stop! Uhh, don’t you think a wrench would work better?”Photo by Sharon Roth Fourth-year Marshall student Tamara Krohner …
Hydroflasks Recalled, College Students Enter Withdrawal
Panlelo told reporters, “How am I going to stay awake during class if there’s no Hydro Flasks dropping every 15 minutes?”Photo by Sharon Roth On October …
Christmas Karaoke Night Turns Political
When arrested, Karen Fletcher reportedly yelled to her daughter, “When I get out on parole, you are SO grounded!”Photo by Jack Yang On Sunday, December 1, the …
Local Student Seeks to Learn Who Gerry Mandering Is
Quill later wanted to find out who “All” was and why they should get Medicare.Photo by Jack Yang First-year ERC student Tara Quill, after just now realizing …
Campus Squirrels Outraged After Hearing About No Nut November
Nibbles was reportedly distraught at how nuts the situation was.Photo by Jack Yang Area squirrels Nibbles and Chipper are furious after being told about the phenomenon known …
