Campus
Student Procrastinating at the Beach Discovers the Tides of March
“You’re going to get good news,” remarked Wyrd with her newfound wisdom. “But take care to avoid anything that makes you sad, which could drastically change …
Student Studying Abroad in the Netherlands Accidentally Sent to the Nether
“You know, this isn’t the type of blaze I was expecting,” said Hero, dodging fireballs.Photo by Connor Betterly Before the events of last Tuesday, UCSD student …
Computing Major Still In Denial
“Goodbye, World!” printed Stunkens.Photo by Julia Wong To the confusion of many, Lorey Stunkens, a second-year, allegedly refuses to acknowledge that she is majoring in Computer Science. …
Man Claims Covid-19 Created to Annoy Him Personally
“I didn’t think the deep state or my grades could sink so low,” said Klein.Photo by Maria Dhilla Jake Klein, a sophomore in Seventh College, spends most …
Frat Houses Campaign to Have New COVID-19 Strains Named After Them
“We’re still getting noise complaints, but now it’s only because of all the coughing,” bragged Jason.Image by Sharon Roth As the nation sees more and more …
Student Locked Out of Dorm in Solidarity with MLB Players
“If you can’t let me in, can you at least buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack?” asked Lohmann.Photo by Julia Wong First-year communications major June …
UCSD Announces Virtual Classes To Be Held in the Metaverse
“Many of you have asked about a grading curve,” said one professor. “Well let me introduce you to a product that keeps YOURcurves in top condition.”Photo …
Literature Major Unable to Let Go of the Myth of Sisyphus
“Maybe I need to be bolder,” said Mu. “I’m really trying to push this idea forward.”Photo by Sharon Roth Fourth-year Literature major Cameron Mu has, in her …
Wolftown Debuts New Locally Sourced Raccoon Bowl
“After eating this, the trash doesn’t look so bad,” claimed Nomick.Photo by Maria Dhilla Throngs of hungry undergraduates were greeted by a new sight on Wednesday at …
On-Campus Housing Regresses to Phase Zero
“There’s a COVID detection system for outgoing water, but none for incoming water. Better safe than sorry!” said the Housing Director.Photo by Sharon Roth Yesterday morning, …
