Volume 30
Humans Declared Critically Endangered by ‘Guy Who Can’t Get Laid’
An intern for the Environmental Protection Agency recently declared humans an endangered species on the agency’s X account. The post was quickly retracted by the intern’s …
UCSD Introduces Productivity Pods to Help Students Study
“These are apparently a part of the new study a-pod program,” said Stanly Wrighter.Photo by Erica Rosslee In preparation for the upcoming final exams, UC San …
Rats Unionize
UC San Diego’s rodent population has recently received recognition as an organized union by campus administration. The Lab Rats’ 12-month campaign has garnered them protections against …
LaCroix Announces New Boxing Day Hotdog Eating Competition
“The hotdog buns taste so much better now,” said Jack Peanut. “It makes me want to LaCry.”Photo by Julia Wong I n the company’s latest advertising …
Every Time a College is Opened, a Provost Gains its Wings
With the opening of Eighth College this year and the anticipated opening of more in the near future, upwards mobility in the provost job market is …
Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit vs. We Serve Cunt
POINT: Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit Is it so bad to want for more in life? Is it such a sin to want the …
Eucalyptus Grove Marches on Geiselgard
“To all the students who think they can support the Ent uprising, I have one thing to say to you,” said Chancellor Pradeep Khosla. “You shall …
New Sports Announced for LA Olympic Games
Los Angeles constituents have formally opposed the construction of the 2024 Summer Olympic stadiums and housing out of concern that the buildings will go unused after …
Mold Is Dangerous and It Should Be the University’s Responsibility to Remove It vs. Mold Actually Makes You Smarter If You Sniff Enough of It
POINT: Mold Is Dangerous and It Should Be the University’s Responsibility to Remove It When I moved into the UC San Diego dorms, I expected to …
