Written by: The MQ

  1. Never turn 18
  2. Just close the window
  3. Tell them your mom said no
  4. Smoke so much pot that you’re legally a hippie
  5. Keep asking when you get to meet General Motors
  6. Threaten the recruiter with Peepaw’s fortune
  7. Wear full camouflage so they can’t see you
  8. Fail the FitnessGram PACER Test
  9. Be a fortunate son
  10. Get bone spurs

The MQ is the premier satire magazine at UC San Diego

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