Volume 29
Top Ten Cheap Halloween Decorations
Grape jack-o’-lantern Dirt from outside Christmas decorations with angry eyebrows drawn on An oddly-shaped trash bag that definitely does not have a body in it The …
Top Ten Uses for Your $200 Textbook
A tofu press A welcome mat A sleep aid (blunt force trauma) To recite from memory at an open mic night To cover up the comic …
Boris Johnson Reelected as U.K.’s Next Prime Minister, Resigns
Former Prime Minister Liz Truss recently resigned after causing the current economic crises facing the U.K. and prompting the value of the pound to plummet. In …
The Padres Blow It Again
Since the Chargers “abandoned” San Diego in 2017, the Padres are the only remaining major sports team in San Diego. The Padres did better than many …
Newton’s Long-lost Fourth Law Revolutionizes Physics
Last Saturday, a janitor was cleaning out a closet and stumbled into a hidden chamber at Trinity College in Cambridge, England. Inside the chamber was an …
UCSD to Remove All Grass on Campus for the Construction of Ninth College
As the construction of its Eighth College nears completion, UC San Diego’s administration has announced a plan for the university’s ninth college, Ninth College. “We needed …
Elon Musk Declares Himself “Techno-Emperor of the Universe”
Elon Musk Declares Himself “Techno-Emperor of the Universe” Musk made the announcement on Twitter this morning, where he also said that he has “already been forcing …
Student Shocked to Discover Pete Davidson is Now Dating Her Mother
“He has so many tattoos, I feel like it would be more special if he didn’t get one of my name,” said Jennifer Dong.Photo by James …
Mercedes Launches New Brake Line Subscription Service
“And I thought my car was crazy for making me pay for a gas subscription,” said Shapoor Laliwalla.Photo by Sharon Roth Last Thursday, Mercedes-Benz announced a …
