Volume 29
Pluto Violates Subscription Terms, Loses Planetary Status
“They ripped me off,” said Jupiter. “I paid for a whole year’s subscription, but they only gave me 365 days.”Photo by Julia Wong When Pluto first …
Professors Start Evaluating Students Through New GRADE Program
UC San Diego is currently considering ways to incorporate GRADEs into students’ cumulative GPAs.Photo by Maria Dhilla After experiencing success with the CAPE program, professors have …
Life Is Horrible, but I Have a Little Drink
I have been in a constant state of misery since September 23, 2022, after the innocent newness of Fall Quarter ceased to appeal to me and …
GPT-5 Beats Kobayashi Maru Test, Joins Admiral Kirk
“I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t beam you up right now,” said CadetGPT.Photo by Maria Dhilla On May 26, OpenAI announced the completion of their GPT-5 large …
Susan Bagel – Banana Water
Long, hot summer nights. The kitchen boils, and yet I must keep the stove burning to make my eleventh batch of hot banana water. The aroma …
UCSD Announces Plan for “Giant Space Laser” to Eliminate Bad Weather
Photo by Amit Roth UC San Diego broke ground earlier this week on the construction of the WASTEOFMONEY, or the Weather Augmentation Station That Emits Only …
Absolut Unveils Pink-Flavored, Mercury-Infused Vodka for Pride Month
“LGBT stands for Let’s Get Buzzed Together,” said John Deackon, an Absolut brand representative.Photo by Amit Roth This week, Absolut Vodka announced a new Pride month …
