Volume 29
Cabal Controlling Rotten Tomatoes Outed After “Black Adam” Release
Ahead of its premiere, Black Adam received a Rotten Tomatoes score of 52%. “I remember watching Man of Steel when I was eight years old. I’ve …
UCSD Dining Hall Hires Skeleton Crew
“The new employees have been really skimpy with the portions,” shared Belmont. “The burritos are bare bones.”Photo by Julia Wong Across UCSD, dining halls have struggled …
Local Man Discovers He, Too, Has Hormones
“Men have hormones?” Misenberger asked. “That’s endo-cringe.”Photo by James Woolley A mob of angry senior citizen protesters, armed with signs reading “There are only two genders” …
Vampire Appreciation Club Promotes Dress Code Change
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Romella Sagatelian During UC San Diego’s first week of instruction, …
Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister
Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …
Ninth College Construction Hits Rock Bottom
“Yeah, there were a few preventable issues,” admitted one engineer. “We probably should’ve done a dry run first.”Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego students who …
Competitive Eating Is Good for the Economy
I am an American hero. I am the one who keeps local businesses afloat during COVID-19, who provides the money to put kids through school, who …
Top Ten Bumper Stickers
Arrgh, baby overboard! Hey, my eyes are up here! This machine kills fascists Proud leaded gas user Keep Tahoe out of California Booze Cruise Champion 2008 …
Top Ten Things Your Orientation Leader Forgot to Mention
The gravity doesn’t work in York Hall UCSD is the Harvard of the West Refilling the Brita filter is a sign of weakness Our dining halls …
