Volume 28
The End is Near! vs No, It’s Just Acid Reflux.
Point: The End is Near! Doctor! O Doctor! Heed my call, for I fear the end is near! On the ninety-second day of this annus horribilis …
Yes, I Am, in Fact, God.
Hello mortals, it’s Me: your God. My name was once Ronald Jameson and I was a student like yourself. Unlike yourself, however, I was a highly-gifted …
Top Ten Things We Keep in the Junk Drawer “Just in Case”
10. Four sticks of unsalted butter9. An aged Post-it note showing our one password8. A positive pregnancy test7. An umbrella — we’re saving it for a …
Mother Orders Tacos
Expects nine-month delivery date
Local Gamer Tragically Latches on to Cool Character in Elden Ring
“I don’t know why my friends are so worried about him getting kilned. He is a pot,” Cano noted.Photo by Sharon Roth Lilith Cano, a 23-year-old …
Man Edits His Genome
Only uses base pairs C. A. T.
No, I Won’t Close My Tabs, They All Have Really Important Stuff on Them
You will never get me to close my tabs. Every single one of them has vitally important content. What if I need to reference the WikiHow …
Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody Vs. I Am Having So Much Fun and Everyone Likes Me!
Point: Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody Everybody knows there’s nothing worse than a pretentious little braggart that thinks they know what they’re …
Top Ten Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
10. Cumin9. Do it in bed8. A scoreboard and referee7. Surprise circumcision6. Speaking strictly in early modern English5. An elaborate pulley mechanism that eliminates any need …
Top Ten Candle Scents
Top Ten Candle Scents Teen spirit Burnt toast Freshly cut gas line Your fifth-grade classroom The weird ice in the back of the freezer that your …
