Volume 28 Issue 4
Top Ten Items We Found in the Fridge After Returning from Winter Break
10. Another, smaller fridge9. Our dead wife8. A cup of drug-free pee7. Laika’s exploded remains6. Our roommate who hid there all break to get the $650 …
Thespians Claim COVID Immunity As They Are “Really Good At Pretending They Don’t Have It”
“The only jab I’ll get is behind the curtain,” said the actor playing Polonius.Photo by Sharon Roth Last December, the Actors Association of America (AAA) released a …
Top Ten Uncommon Hazards to your Health
Top Ten Uncommon Hazards to your Health FNAF lore Week 10 midterms Deodorant Expired Brita filter water Items branded for women that have no reason to …
Student Locked Out of Dorm in Solidarity with MLB Players
“If you can’t let me in, can you at least buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack?” asked Lohmann.Photo by Julia Wong First-year communications major June …
Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator
Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator Last Friday, first-year Seventh College student Christopher Crumbs reported seeing a mouse on one of the …
UCSD Announces Virtual Classes To Be Held in the Metaverse
“Many of you have asked about a grading curve,” said one professor. “Well let me introduce you to a product that keeps YOURcurves in top condition.”Photo …
Okay, Fine, I Still Haven’t Seen Squid Game
Can you keep a secret? Swear it. Swear on your life. I don’t think I can hide it any longer. It’s been trapped inside of me, …
The War on Lawn Decor Intensifies, Tragedies in Gnome Man’s Land
Mr. and Mrs. Jennings’ front yard is a scene of devastation after the most recent battle in the war on lawn decor. The ensuing skirmish resulted …
Top Ten Activities to Do at 3:12 a.m.
10. Throat shredded cheese9. Queerbait8. Wake up from your 15-hour nap7. Imagine yourself winning an argument6. Learn how to play drums5. Ponder the holes in Lewis’s …
