State of California Abolishes Legal Gender, Strictly Enforces Favorite Color Instead


Written by: Robin Brewin

“I just got my government-assigned color,” said Moore-Sherwin. “They said it’s green, but I’m feeling blue.”
Photo by Robin Brewin

The state of California has made strides towards gender equality by abolishing legal gender markers entirely. Birth certificates, passports, and drivers licenses issued in the state of California will no longer have designation of either male or female. A new California law that has come into effect this month now requires a favorite color to be printed onto all official identification; Californians newly getting their license or ID will have the option to choose between several colors, while all others will get a randomized color upon receiving their new identification in the mail. The options available are limited to blue, green, red, pink, and periwinkle.

“Since there isn’t much of a way to properly harass citizens based on gender anymore, this new law has been a godsend,” said a San Diego police officer, who requested to remain anonymous. “Enforcing a favorite color doesn’t legally count as discrimination, so we can just write up fines and arrest whoever we want!”

UCSD student and part-time sea snail farmer Bandrew Bitko stated that, “I was going 95 in a school zone and I got pulled over, but when I got out my license it’s like he forgot I was even speeding and handcuffed me for not wearing ‘the right shade of blue’. My favorite color is just blue! It’s any blue! I don’t even like blue that much, but they didn’t have an option for seafoam and I thought that was the best I’d get.” They paused, then continued, “I guess green is also just as close. It doesn’t make sense that you only get like five choices! I mean, they don’t even have yellow at all…not that anyone would pick it, but still.”

San Diego resident Howie Gousitte said, “I was trying to cross the street and got stopped by a police officer who told me I didn’t look like I should be wearing green, and when I asked what he meant, he just went and grabbed my ID! Once he saw that my color was supposed to be red, he threw me right in his car! I tried to tell him I was blind and showed him my cane, but then he charged me with threatening a police officer. Also obstruction of justice. And then also leading the witness?”

The effects of this law have already spread to other aspects of daily life. There are no protections over people who prefer a certain color over another, so businesses and even healthcare clinics have reportedly been denying access to services based on legal favorite color. “This guy walked in for an appointment to get his teeth cleaned, but when I was going over his information it said his favorite color was periwinkle! Can you believe that? No good, heterosexual American male should have periwinkle be his favorite color. Why not choose something straightforward and manly like blue? Or green?” demanded Dr. Perry Don-Tussie, shaking his head so forcefully he unraveled his vibrant pink bowtie.

Many Californians are already frustrated with the addition of a legal favorite color, and while some are advocating for more color options, a majority stay firm in their belief that the new system needs to be abolished. To appease protesters, local government has announced that next year there will be a vote on the option to change one’s legal favorite color — this process will require a notice of the color change court hearing to be placed in a local paper, a one-time payment of $500 (per legal document), and 40 minimum hours of color correction therapy through a licensed color therapist.

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