Volume 28 Issue 3
Mom, I Would Like a Piece of Bread
Mom, I Would Like a Piece of Bread I am famished. Starving. Excruciatingly hungry. I am but a six-year-old flower, wasting away. Indeed, my sweet little …
Local Gnomes Open Restaurant
Local Gnomes Open Restaurant World-renowned sommelier Emille Turnpike- Flashdrive, who is a gnome, opened a restaurant with his wife Gretna Flashdrive-Turnpike, who is also a gnome. …
Hanukkah Cut to Seven Days Due to Oil Shortage
“The oil lasting for eight days was no miracle,” said Zelda. “Back then, people didn’t live under Joe Biden’s gas prices.”Photo by Sharon Roth As the holiday …
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today After months of research, a Stanford lab concluded that literally everyone went to sleep without flossing beforehand today. While …
World Renowned Chef Eats His Words
Tepids is reportedly in hot water over the comments he made.Photo by Robin Brewin Duncan Tepids, the “cream of the crop of rising chefs,” and “internet darling,” …
Top Ten Cybernetic Enhancements We Put On Our Body
Top Ten Cybernetic Enhancements We Put On Our Body A blue tooth A confident system An iron gut for digesting Canyon Vista food A titanium pinky …
The MQ Goes to “The Races”
You know how this goes: the horse races. The ol’ equine escapades. The mare-athon. The track and field for big dogs. The mosey for your posey. You get the gist. Everyone knows there are three great aspects of horse racing — the costume, the horses, and the homoerotic tension between you and your rival as the horses you both bet on are neck and neck around the bend…
The MQ Gets Left Alone
We were about to go on a trip with our family, when we were left home alone! And, before you ask, it’s not because we’re forgettable. …
Facebook Whistleblower Reveals the Internet is Still a Giant Cesspool
“FaceBOOK? Kids these days won’t even know what those things are,” complained one spokesperson.Photo by Jack Yang An ex-employee of Facebook has come forward with a set …
It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music vs. I Never Stopped
Point: It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music By Dr. Bob A. O’Riley Chairman of the Committee for National Holiday Declaration I cannot believe you …
