Volume 26
The Finals Metamorphosis
The Finals Metamorphosis
By Kaz Nuckowski
Top Ten Reasons The Chickens Are Staging a Coup
Top Ten Reasons The Chickens Are Staging a Coup They realized they were low in thepecking order It was better than running around liketheir heads were …
Best Actor Goes to a White Man for the First Time Since 2018
Best Actor Goes to a White Man for the First Time Since 2018 In radical recognition of the diversity of white talent in the modern film …
Local CS Major Abandons App Design Made Just as a Resume Booster
Local CS Major Abandons App Design Made Just as a Resume Booster Justin Flannigan, a third-year Computer Science major, stopped production on his application FaceIt that …
Valentine’s Day Goes Paperless to Appeal to “Those Whiny Kids”
Kids lauded the move as a “true act of love” toward the Earth.Photo by Silver Wallace In a bid to reconcile outdated courting practices, major Valentine’s card …
Area Man Just Waiting for an Opportunity to Talk About the Horses Outside of PF Chang’s
“I don’t know who I am anymore without the horse” says Chou, when asked by officers to get off the horse.Photo by Jack Yang Local man Devin …
Local Man Can’t Understand Why He Can’t Bring up Gore at the Dinner Table
After performing his “sausage as noose” routine for the fourth night in a row, Jason Roth reportedly told his disapproving mother, “What do you mean mom? …
Child Politician Criticized for Inconsistency After Position on Favorite Color Changes
Wilson responded to critics: “What can I say? I don’t see color.”Photo by Jack Yang Five year-old politician Desmond Wilson recently stated that his favorite color is …
Scripps Institute of Oceanography Creates First Human-Whale Hybrid to Survive Rising Oceans
One spectator called the hybrid “impossible to escape, impossible to forget.”Photo by Jack Yang Dr. Margaret Lienen, Director of Scripps Institute of Oceanography (SIO), recently confirmed that …
