Wilson responded to critics: “What can I say? I don’t see color.”
Photo by Jack Yang
Five year-old politician Desmond Wilson recently stated that his favorite color is red in a presentation to his kindergarten class, contradicting a report from last October stating that it was orange. The new information was revealed during a set of “My Favorite Color” lectures for Mrs. Watson’s class at Washington Jefferson Elementary School. The incumbent Line Leader, five year-old Michelle W, commented on Wilson’s position: “He said his favorite color was orange when he brought his jack-o-lantern for show and tell for Halloween, and now it’s red? I don’t know, man. My favorite color is green, and it’s been that way for as long as I can remember, since, like, my fourth birthday. My cake had Tiana on it and she was wearing a green dress and the frosting was also green and it was really pretty so I decided my favorite color was green, too.” The position of Line Leader involves carrying a brightly colored sign with Mrs. Watson’s classroom number at the front of the line during fire drills. Michelle W’s term was characterized by her “Straightest Lines in the Skool” ad campaigns, school-renowned backwards walking technique, and policy changes like Starbursts for the winner of the Silent Game.
Wilson is currently contesting Michelle W for Line Leader in the coming class council, among other candidates such as five year-old Timmy J, five year-old Sierra L, and five-and-a-quarter year-old Tom H. “This is turning out to be a particularly competitive trimester,” said class political analyst Alex K. “Desmond W was absolutely leading the polls last week, and now it seems Sierra L has taken the lead. But you can never really trust these playground polls. There are a lot of silent voters that hang out over near the wall ball courts, and they tend to vote more progressive. There have been rumors that Principal Higgins is buying more color ink, and we all know how the wall ball kids feel about other people wasting the scarlet paint during art time, so Desmond W might just be the change they’ve been looking for.”
Some classmates now state less confidence in Wilson. “Changing your favorite color this late in the game is a bold move,” said Timmy J. “If I could refresh your memory, it was just last trimester that he was vilifying Michelle W for changing her favorite color from violet to lavender. Those colors are both basically just purple, but the smear campaign he led probably cost her the Paper Passer position.”
Paper Passer Tom H is Desmond W’s best friend of six months, and is stalwartly defending his choice to endorse Desmond W. “Listen, I know he’s not the most consistent. I’ll admit it, but it’s better than voting for one of Demi C’s friends. She wants to make it okay for Trash Monitors to still get their week’s gold star sticker after a sick day, but this classroom would fall apart if we elect any of those lazy socialists.”
Mrs. Watson has expressed that she is pleased by the kindergarteners’ level of enthusiasm in the elections. “They’re so passionate! This class makes teaching so rewarding for me. I love watching them have such cute little debates between friends. And our line leading has never been better! Kindergarten classes show the highest voter turnout of any grade level in the school.”
Fourth grade teachers report that class elections stop being popular after the US government unit of social studies. Fifth grader Julia Reyez explained the students’ perspective. “Why should I care about elections? My vote doesn’t matter.”
Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.
