Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

Best Actor Goes to a White Man for the First Time Since 2018

In radical recognition of the diversity of white talent in the modern film industry, the Academy award for Best Actor in a Feature Film was awarded to Adam Driver. According to the Academy, his compelling performance as a depressed white male divorceé portrayed a struggle that audiences had never confronted before on the big screen.

“This represents a victory for white men everywhere,” reported a spokesperson for the Academy. “It will open doors for other white male directors and actors to sweep awards shows, as their colleagues feign to be impressed by their ‘woke’ speeches. Hopefully this will serve as a turning point in the industry for Hollywood to diversify the narratives it upholds. Through Adam Driver’s performance and performances like it, audiences will become more aware of the tribulations that white men face on a daily basis. With luck, the Academy will shift to recognize multidimensional, introspective white men and their underrated achievements.”

In his acceptance speech, Driver thanked the Academy. “I couldn’t be standing here today without the love and support of my friends and family, or my privilege.”

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Kaz Nuckowski is a Copy Editor for the Muir Quarterly. They are usually found in Half Dome laughing and encouraging students to share their wit or giving their own suggestions to make everyone else laugh. Never doubt Kaz and their skills because they will surprise you, especially when the spread has a comic open and they are feeling inspired!

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