Volume 26
UCSD Student in DEI Lecture Looks Forward to Making Casually Racist Comment
Magdalin “immediately regretted” making attendance mandatory.Photo by Jack Yang Early this morning a group of UCSD students contacted university officials with concerns that a fellow classmate …
White House Hires Plumber to Fix Leaks
“No offense to my boss, but duct tape can’t really fix these leaks,” said Secretary Stewart. Photo by Jade Coniglio White House Chief of Staff Mick …
Sorority Girls Experience Near Death on Local Torrey Pines Hike
“If we get out of here alive, I swear we’re gonna take that trip to Spain,” Fillis said to Stutten.Photo by Jay Noonan Sorority sisters Jessica …
Lab Students Upset That Wearing Lab Coats Does Not Improve Midterm Scores
“But they emphasized PPE so much during lecture!” said Kartashev.Photo by Jack Yang This past Monday UCSD was “filled with shouts of incredulity and misery” as …
UCSD Claims $20,000 Tuition Hike a “Spooky-Season Prank”
Despite publishing the tuition hike as a prank video, Khosla did not go viral, nor increase his subscriber count.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD has recently backtracked …
UCSD Ranked #1 University by “Getting Hit by a Bike” Magazine
Reporters state that as soon as the interview was finished, another bike crash occurred outside the studio.Photo by Jack Yang UC San Diego has been honored with …
Out-of-State Freshman Won’t Shut Up About How She’s a ‘Cali Girl’ Now
“If Elaine says ‘hella’ one more time, I’m gonna split her surfboard in half,” lamented her roommate.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD Freshman Elaine Eaken’s roommates have …
CHIPOTLE Discount Revoked For Uncreative PET Costume
CHIPOTLE Discount Revoked For Uncreative PET Costume Local dog owner Jacob Houston was rejected from Chipotle’s annual Halloween discount after his English bulldog’s Batman costume was …
“Joker” Leaves Local Incel Unsatisfied and Angry
“Joker” Leaves Local Incel Unsatisfied and Angry Local man Wade Hursh was spotted yelling and causing a disturbance outside of Reading Cinema in Mira Mesa earlier …
“Most Realistic Horoscope Ever” Requires Social Security Number
“Most Realistic Horoscope Ever” Requires Social Security Number Constellar, a horoscope app touting its “incredibly realistic horoscope readings,” has recently become the most downloaded horoscope app …
