Volume 26
Increase of Missing Hydro Flasks as “WSCO” Cult Expands
The pictured thief reportedly got away from the scene by disappearing into a huge cloud of paper straws.Photo by Jack Yang Amber Alerts across the UCSD campus …
White House Hires Plumber to Fix Leaks
“No offense to my boss, but duct tape can’t really fix these leaks,” said Secretary Stewart. Photo by Jade Coniglio White House Chief of Staff Mick …
Sorority Girls Experience Near Death on Local Torrey Pines Hike
“If we get out of here alive, I swear we’re gonna take that trip to Spain,” Fillis said to Stutten.Photo by Jay Noonan Sorority sisters Jessica …
Lab Students Upset That Wearing Lab Coats Does Not Improve Midterm Scores
“But they emphasized PPE so much during lecture!” said Kartashev.Photo by Jack Yang This past Monday UCSD was “filled with shouts of incredulity and misery” as …
UCSD Claims $20,000 Tuition Hike a “Spooky-Season Prank”
Despite publishing the tuition hike as a prank video, Khosla did not go viral, nor increase his subscriber count.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD has recently backtracked …
UCSD Ranked #1 University by “Getting Hit by a Bike” Magazine
Reporters state that as soon as the interview was finished, another bike crash occurred outside the studio.Photo by Jack Yang UC San Diego has been honored with …
Out-of-State Freshman Won’t Shut Up About How She’s a ‘Cali Girl’ Now
“If Elaine says ‘hella’ one more time, I’m gonna split her surfboard in half,” lamented her roommate.Photo by Jack Yang UCSD Freshman Elaine Eaken’s roommates have …
“Most Realistic Horoscope Ever” Requires Social Security Number
“Most Realistic Horoscope Ever” Requires Social Security Number Constellar, a horoscope app touting its “incredibly realistic horoscope readings,” has recently become the most downloaded horoscope app …
Local Pastor Promotes Foot Fetish to Combat Premarital Sex
“Remember to leave a little space for Jesus. And socks. It’s sexier with the socks on anyways,” said Pastor Frietche.Photo by Jack Yang This past Thursday, passing …
Khosla Announces Halloween Costume — Sexy Chancellor
Khosla Announces Halloween Costume — Sexy Chancellor Last week Chancellor Khosla made a public apology regarding his previous year’s costume. “I’m dearly sorry for scaring some …
