Volume 26
Campus Squirrels Outraged After Hearing About No Nut November
Nibbles was reportedly distraught at how nuts the situation was.Photo by Jack Yang Area squirrels Nibbles and Chipper are furious after being told about the phenomenon known …
“Distant Relative ‘Cannot BELIEVE’ How Much You’ve Grown Since Last Christmas”
After witnessing the growth of her grandnephew, Great Aunt Patty immediately went to work knitting 75 larger sweaters and cooking 32 times the original amount of …
Local Mall Santa Claims it is Impossible to Have One Ho, Must Have Three
Local Mall Santa Claims it is Impossible to Have One Ho, Must Have Three After showing up to work two and a half hours late with …
Suburban Mother Achieves Peak Fighting Physique After Training for Black Friday
After preparing for Black Friday, Richards decided to enroll in another strength training program for Boxing Day.Photo by Jack Yang Pamela Richards, mother of four and self-proclaimed …
UN Declares State of Emergency due to Spotify Algorithm
Last week, United Nations president Tijjani Muhammad- Bande declared a state of emergency because “Spotify just compelled him to”. “It was really weird at first,” Muhammad-Bande …
Top Ten Reasons Nobody is Going For the Turkey Your Mom Made
Top Ten Reasons Nobody is Going For the Turkey Your Mom Made It reeked of colonialism It’s as dry as her personality Everyone in the family …
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks New research from the UCSD’s Local Administration on Manners and Extroversion (L.A.M.E.) shows that those parties …
UCSD Announces New Solution to Student Housing Shortage: Plague
Sources report a stressed out student was heard saying, “I have a midterm tomorrow. If I get the plague, then I get the plague.”Photo by Jack Yang …
SoCal Moms Poison Trees to Capture Fall Aesthetic
Miller shared with reporters: “I have an autumn complexion, so my yard needs one too!”Photo by Jade Coniglio A local Homeowner’s Association has mandated that every …
UCSD Professor Assigns Controversial Vibe Check Instead of Midterm
Sources later confirmed that none of the answers were correct. Photo by Jack Yang Dr. Frank N. Stein of UC San Diego made waves in the …
