Volume 26
Suburban Mother Achieves Peak Fighting Physique After Training for Black Friday
After preparing for Black Friday, Richards decided to enroll in another strength training program for Boxing Day.Photo by Jack Yang Pamela Richards, mother of four and self-proclaimed …
UN Declares State of Emergency due to Spotify Algorithm
Last week, United Nations president Tijjani Muhammad- Bande declared a state of emergency because “Spotify just compelled him to”. “It was really weird at first,” Muhammad-Bande …
Top Ten Reasons Nobody is Going For the Turkey Your Mom Made
Top Ten Reasons Nobody is Going For the Turkey Your Mom Made It reeked of colonialism It’s as dry as her personality Everyone in the family …
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks
Study Shows the Parties You’ve Been Hosting are Actually Kickbacks New research from the UCSD’s Local Administration on Manners and Extroversion (L.A.M.E.) shows that those parties …
Report Finds Impossible Whopper Killed 12 People, Considered “Healthiest Burger on the Market”
One of the twelve eulogies reportedly stated: “Now they will always have it their way.”Photo by Jack Yang Pew Research has found the Impossible Whopper from Burger …
Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? vs. You’re 35, Bill
Point: Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? Dear Santa, My name is Bill, and I have a question to ask you. Why …
Area Mom Challenges Eminem to Wrap Battle
While Morales could wrap a gift with perfectly flush edges and a seamless tape job, she was no match for Eminem’s scathing hot rhymes.Photo by Jack Yang …
UCSD Announces New Solution to Student Housing Shortage: Plague
Sources report a stressed out student was heard saying, “I have a midterm tomorrow. If I get the plague, then I get the plague.”Photo by Jack Yang …
SoCal Moms Poison Trees to Capture Fall Aesthetic
Miller shared with reporters: “I have an autumn complexion, so my yard needs one too!”Photo by Jade Coniglio A local Homeowner’s Association has mandated that every …
UCSD Professor Assigns Controversial Vibe Check Instead of Midterm
Sources later confirmed that none of the answers were correct. Photo by Jack Yang Dr. Frank N. Stein of UC San Diego made waves in the …
