Top Ten Reasons Nobody is Going For the Turkey Your Mom Made

1. It reeked of colonialism
2. It’s as dry as her personality
3. Everyone in the family is vegetarian
4. It’s decorative
5. It bites
6. The turkey called in sick
7. The stuffing your mom used was cotton
8. The outside is burnt to a crisp, yet the inside is completely frozen
9. Your family named the turkey, and they’re too attached to eat it
10. You just don’t have the appetite to eat a whole country