Volume 24 Issue 3
Santa Discovered to Be Allergic to Pine Needles
In a shocking turn of events for families everywhere, Santa Claus has announced that he is allergic to pine needles. Claus shocked the public when he …
Road Closures to Impact UCSD Nature Reserve Following Kaiju Breakout
Last Tuesday evening, UCSD announced to the entire campus via email that construction would result in road closures near the campus’s nature reserve next to MCAS …
Editorial: With All the Upheaval in Hollywood, Thank God We Have Good Men Like Lauer Submitted November 26, 2017
It seems like every day there’s another piece of news all about how a well respected actor, Hollywood executive, or journalist who was considered a role …
New HILD Series to Cover Long Forgotten Holiday Thanksgiving
The UC San Diego History Department unveiled a new lecture series on the history and celebration of Thanksgiving available starting this Winter quarter. The new lecture …
Santa Protests Increasingly Early Christmas Celebration, Possibly Communist
As the holiday season approaches, there have been some protests from the North Pole. Elves feel as if they are being overwhelmed with Christmas wish lists …
UCSD Restructures Parking System, Now Offering “Go Fuck Yourself” Permits
UC San Diego Transportation Services recently announced a change to the permit system in an effort to address some of the problems with the current structure. …
Smart Projector’s Insecurities Manifest, “Why Does Everyone Else Have Malware?”
Engineers at Pesarch Technologies have fallen victim to a controversy which has been described as what Pesarch CEO Lans Priceton calls “A big mistake.” In an …
Protests in Charlottesville on Black Friday, White Nationalists Upset with Name
On November 24, approximately 200 white nationalists and members of the alt-right gathered in Charlottesville, Virginia’s Emancipation Park to protest Black Friday’s nomenclature. Charlottesville police were …
US-Mexico Border Patrol to Be Equipped with Bazookas, Consolatory Mints
Starting next week, all southern Border Patrol units are to be equipped with new supplies and protocols, including new uniforms reminiscent of those in early 2000’s …
UCSD Ranked Second Among Universities that Look Like a Shoe From Aerial View
US News has ranked UCSD second among universities that look like a shoe if viewed from a helicopter. This continues UCSD’s legacy of receiving high rankings …
