UCSD Restructures Parking System, Now Offering “Go Fuck Yourself” Permits

Written by: Matt Olson

After realizing he left his sweatshirt in his car upon arriving to campus, student Cameron Price had to trek through the Mojave Desert to recover his pullover.
Photo by: Hannah Rosenblatt

UC San Diego Transportation Services recently announced a change to the permit system in an effort to address some of the problems with the current structure. Students have long complained that there are too few passes and parking spots to accommodate the rising student body, and with an estimated 10,000 new students enrolling in 2018, the problem is only expected to get worse. To combat the growing student population, Transportation Services announced that, in addition to S, A, and B permits, they are introducing a new permit: the “Go Fuck Yourself permit”. This new permit, as well as the accompanying parking lots, should ensure all students have adequate parking, and will be accessible starting in 2018.

According to the report issued by the Transportation department, there is an unlimited number of these new permits, available year round. This will allow students to park in any of the designated lots, all of which are as far away from school as legally possible. Two of the lots, which the school designates as GFY-1 and GFY-2, are located next to the Sans End RV Park in Winterhaven, California, half a mile outside Yuma, Arizona. The third parking lot, designated GFY-3, is located in downtown San Diego, but only has three parking spaces, two of which are metered.

To compensate for these new parking lots, UC San Diego announced plans to demolish nearly two-thirds of the existing parking lots and turn them into housing complexes for incoming freshmen. The remaining lots will be converted into Staff and Faculty only spaces, as the entire student body should be able to park in the new GFY lots. One lot near the Gliderport will be reserved for students with S and B permits, and will operate primarily on a barter system. Reports estimate that forcing students to coerce other students into leaving their spaces in the lot with things like dining dollars, video game consoles, and naming rights for their firstborn will make students appreciate their parking spaces more while also cutting back on unnecessary parking.

Transportation Services has also announced that MTS is planning on adding two new buses to the route to serve these new GFY lots. These new buses are expected to arrive at the GFY-1 and GFY-2 lots every 20 minutes, although Transportation warns that it’s a 12 hour round trip so times may vary. Just to be safe, Transportation Services suggests that students arrive at the bus stop 36 hours before needing to board the bus, and warns students of roaming biker gangs and packs of starving coyotes that prowl the Sans End RV Park.

The GFY-3 lot will not have a dedicated bus line. Any students parking in GFY-3 will be forced to participate in the UC San Diego Zipcar program, and will have to pay for and drive a Zipcar to the Gliderport Barterlot™ and try their luck there instead.

In a statement released by the Office of the Chancellor, Chancellor Khosla explained the reasoning for the new permits: “We’ve been looking for a solution to the parking problems for a while now, and we think we’ve finally found a solution that will make everyone unhappy, staff and students alike, and give us a way to wring more tuition money out of all of you. We’ve fixed the problem, now pay up and stop complaining about it. If you want to have a car at school then go park in the lots. Otherwise, go fuc- eh, you’ve seen the permits.”

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