30.5
Simon Cowell Judges Middle School Talent Show
This past weekend, the students of Simon Cowell Middle School received a surprise visit from their namesake, along with his camera crew and production team. The …
Department of Music Announces New Concert Series
In a bid to diversify the musical offerings of the Department of Music, Director Jenny P. Orridge has introduced a new series of concerts titled “Dive …
Student with ‘Infectious Respiratory Pink eye’ reportedly Studying at Geisel
In a developing story this week, student Whoopi Ngcough was reported by one bystander to sound like she was “literally coughing up, like, chunks” as she …
CIA ‘Operation Dirty Talk’ Uncovered
Leaked internal CIA documents have shed light on Operation Dirty Talk, an ongoing joint venture with phone sex call center Masturline aimed at extracting secrets from …
TikTok Announces Opiate-Based User Retention Strategy
“I can’t believe my friends just take whatever drugs companies push on them,” said one conference attendee, taking a hit from their Juul.Photo by Connor Betterly …
Khosla Converts Audrey Geisel House into Airbnb
“He keeps eating my freaking yogurt,” said one mansion resident.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Since Fall Quarter 2021, UC San Diego has faced an unprecedented housing crisis, …
Amazon and Boeing Announce Joint Microtransit Venture
“Still beats flying with United,” said Ahsoak Ingwethi.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Jeff Bezos was flown to the stage by three drones to announce his latest venture, …
I Am the Hydro Flask That Falls in Your Lecture
I hear people have been complaining about the occasional, small, itty-bitty noise that I make when I fall in your 8 a.m. lecture (it’s not like …
