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UCSD Announces Transcripts and Diplomas to be Available Exclusively as NFTs
“I can’t believe how easy this crypto stuff is,” exclaimed one student, “I traded my diploma for a picture of a funny monkey and now I’m …
Local Gnomes Open Restaurant
Local Gnomes Open Restaurant World-renowned sommelier Emille Turnpike- Flashdrive, who is a gnome, opened a restaurant with his wife Gretna Flashdrive-Turnpike, who is also a gnome. …
Hanukkah Cut to Seven Days Due to Oil Shortage
“The oil lasting for eight days was no miracle,” said Zelda. “Back then, people didn’t live under Joe Biden’s gas prices.”Photo by Sharon Roth As the holiday …
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today After months of research, a Stanford lab concluded that literally everyone went to sleep without flossing beforehand today. While …
World Renowned Chef Eats His Words
Tepids is reportedly in hot water over the comments he made.Photo by Robin Brewin Duncan Tepids, the “cream of the crop of rising chefs,” and “internet darling,” …
New Study Reveals Why All the YouTubers You Liked as a Kid Are Now Anti-Vaxxers
“I don’t need a vaccine to protect me; I have diamond armor,” wrote @fathogjones on Twitter.Photo by Connor Betterly As the number of vaccine mandates grows …
Sun God Weeps During Finals Week
Sun God Weeps During Finals Week Early this morning, second- year Jeremy Beremy was walking to an 8 a.m. class and reported seeing a trickle of …
Wastewater Detection Systems Find Baby in Sewers After 2018 Masturbation-in-Shower Epidemic
“You think I’m gonna support these children?” asked Khosla, “I don’t even support these students.”Photo by Jack Yang On November 17th at 5:36 p.m., UCSD Wastewater Detection’s …
Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent
Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent Nonbinary lesbian couple Anne B. Goye and Robynn Drew have set a new record for modern queer marriages, managing …
