27.3
Top Ten Similarities Between Christmas Dinner and the 2020 Elections
Top Ten Similarities Between Christmas Dinner and the 2020 Elections You didn’t sleep the night before The TV is showing the same stuff for an entire …
Transportation Services Announce New Party Bus Shuttle
UCSD announced their next transportation vehicle: The What Hath God Yacht.Photo by Jack Yang On Sunday, UCSD Transportation Services announced a new shuttle to compensate for the …
How I Went From Lexa-Amateur to Lexapro
By Cleo Armstrong Emotionally Numb Bad Bitch Like you all, 2020 has hit me hard. I’m unemployed. Paying rent gets harder and harder every month. My …
New Skin Cream Reveals Secret: Free-Range, Organically Produced Horse Semen
Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Neighbelline.Photo by Maria Dhilla Coming to pharmacies near you is an anti-acne cream that claims to have an unprecedented efficacy …
What the Fuck, Guys?
By George Washington Cursed Ghost Hey everyone. It’s me. George Washington. I’ve been haunting America since I died. Apparently, I can’t move on now because people …
Ancient Mayan Typo Found: Apocalypse Predicted for 2021
“It’s not the intern’s fault, he doesn’t get a lot of dates,” said a researcher.Photo by Sharon Roth Scholars studying and translating the ancient Mayan calendar have …
US Election Results to be Graded on a Curve Because Class Average is 50 Percent
Drawing arbitrary lines was easy for the Republicans after all their practice gerrymandering.Photo by Sharon Roth Due to the “uncertainty” in the results of the recent presidential …
Dr. Fauci Equips Arm-Mounted Syringe Cannon, Intends to Distribute Vaccines “Whether Americans Like It or Not”
An eyewitness was heard saying, “I’ve never vac-seen a sexier person.”Photo by Jack Yang Last Thursday in Bethesda, Maryland, during the quiet hours before the morning traffic …
