Buddy the Elf Passes Bathroom Singing Bill
December 3 marked the passing of the Singing Rights Bill in the Senate. The bill, proposed by North Pole foreign diplomat Buddy the Elf, allows citizens of the United States of America to freely enter bathrooms and sing Christmas songs.
Buddy the Elf headed the campaign for the Bill, proposing that it would bring “the jolly spirit” to all people across the country, especially in New York. When proposed to the Supreme Court, Buddy claimed that “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. And sometimes the time you need the most Christmas cheer is while you’re shitting.” The Bill passed swiftly from the Supreme Court to the House of Representatives to the Senate.
Actress and singer Zooey Deschanel spoke out against the campaign, calling it a “ridiculous attempt to disguise intruding in people’s personal spaces as ‘jolly singing,’” and that the fact that this law is even up for debate “defines how idiotic the judicial system is in America.” Research shows that bathroom Christmas music would make eight percent of people jollier and 93 percent deeply uncomfortable.
Justice Kavanaugh, who drafted the opinion of the majority, refused to comment on Deschanel’s statements.
Whether you’re at a FOOSH showcase or an MQ meeting, you’ll be sure to hear Hanaa Moosavi laugh—even through her own jokes, and we love her for it. You can catch Hanaa lurking on Facebook, serving her god Mark Zuckerberg as the Muir Quarterly Social and Publicity Ottoman. Hanaa has also been sighted chowing down on her favorite food in the Muir quad, developing her latest scheme to become the first emperor of America: one chaotic MQ comic at a time. That is, when she isn’t crying over dog pictures.
